Birth Moms

I'm not sure what the politically correct name for them is now.

First Mom?  Birth Mom?  Natural Mom?

Either way, they gave my children life and I've been thinking about them a lot lately.

In a few days we will celebrate my most favorite day of the year, Josie's Gotcha Day.

The day she came home and we traded in all day Law & Order marathons for diapers and baby grins.

It's a day that is etched deep in my memory.  I remember every little second from when Andrew called to say she was on her way to watching her fall asleep in our bed wondering how such a small thing could answer such big prayers.

It's the day I finally got what I had waited 24 years for.

But under all that joy and celebration, there are always moments scattered throughout the day that it hits me.  My gain was another woman's horrible loss.

Foster Care is funny that way.

The rational side of me knows that Josie's and Gabe's birth mothers had their parental rights severed for a reason.  They made horrible choices.  They were mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally not able to care for the specific needs of these two beautiful kids.

But then there's the side of me that is a mother.

The side that watched them take their first steps and gets to hear them say "Mommy" and know they mean me.  The side that sees those first morning smiles and knows when a bit of sass is really just an overtired girl.

And I know that those other two women, the ones that gave me my greatest joy, are missing out big time.

I wonder if they think about them.

Does she wonder if Josie looks like her?  Does she think of him on his birthday?

There is so much, everything, that they don't know about them.

Josie and Gabriel have very different Birth Mom stories.

Josie was born to a 36 year old woman who had spent her entire life in and out of foster care herself.  Her mother was a prostitute and her case file is full of horror stories about her youth.  She fell out of a second story window at 2 and wasn't brought to a doctor.  She was abused and neglected and, honestly, didn't stand a chance of becoming a functioning adult.  Josie was her 6th child.  All of them were removed by DFCS and adopted by other families.  Josie was born in the back of an ambulance after receiving zero prenatal care.  The woman who had given birth to her minutes before, denied that a child had been born and checked herself out of the hospital, leaving my sweet Josie behind.

Gabriel was born to a woman who I honestly believe wanted to care for him but just couldn't do it.  She was young and uneducated.  Unprepared for the medical complications that his tiny heart were sure to bring.  She tried to get her life on track but, for whatever reason, just couldn't make the right choices.

Two women, with very different stories, and I'm raising their offspring.

And as I celebrate the day my world was made whole I try to remember them.  Their loss, whether they are aware of it or not.

I will probably never see either of them again, but I am thankful for them.  For the nine months that they cared for my babies.  For not aborting them.

For giving them life and, in turn, giving me mine.

An Adoption Day In Pictures

Introducing...

Gabriel

Gordon

Pope

for real, for real.

It's official.

He's ours.

All the papers are signed, all the petitions are filed.

A new start.

Born again on my birthday!

I asked Gabe if he was happy to be a real Pope and I'm not sure, but I think this means yes!

Today is his big heart procedure, but after that is behind us we are going to spend some time celebrating our new boy!

Three cheers to another happy ending!  

Be back next week with all the Adoption Day fun!

Adoption Guest Post - The Crow's

One last adoption story to share for Adoption Awareness Month.

I meet Hannah through our local MOPS group and instantly liked her.  She is funny and loving and just fun to be around.  When I meet her she had just begun the process of bringing Shelby home.  Of course, we bonded over what a miracle adoption was for each of our families.

It's been so amazing to watch this story unfold.

God's hand was at work here and this gorgeous 12 year old girl is going to move mountains!

Here's Hannah's story:

We started out as an extraordinary family to begin with.  Nothing was out of the norm for us.

I met my husband when my son was 2 1/2 years old. 18 months later we married and David was an instant awesome stepdad (most people don't even know he's not his real dad).  We had a our daughter less than 18 months later and then our second son almost 3 years later.

So six years into our marriage we had a family of five and I was already trying to convince my husband it was time for number 4.  He wasn't buying into that.  He was loving the older stage as we were approaching the non-diaper stage (at this point we had Heath (10), Mallory (5),  and Brady (almost 3).

And that's when it all began...

My sister is a school teacher who told us a story of 2 sisters who had been brought into foster care and had been placed several times in 2 years seperately but for all inconsistant reasons of people not ready to truly adopt they kept getting moved.

At this point one of the sisters was coming back into care and at that moment my heart sank and I was just compelled to say to my husband, "I could take her in a heartbeat!"

Amazingly, my husband was on board!

This was a miracle!  My husband, who was finished with having any more kids, was totally saying, "what do we need to do to get this little girl?" and that was all he had to say.

We decided to start praying from that moment on (May 2011) and believe that whatever happened was God's will.

We had a picture of her from the very beginning that my sister who had taught at her school gave me and we posted it on our refrigerator.  We prayed, along with our children, for her every night that no matter what God would find a good home for Shelby whether it be us or not.

I called DFACS first thing Monday morning.  All I had was a name.  I said, "I am calling to see what I need to do to see about adopting a little girl named Shelby.  I don't know anything about her or where she's at at the moment but I believe she is coming back into your care and I believe this is what the Lord has called our family to."

After leaving several messages with every agent and DFACS case worker I could leave a message with I finally got the right person to call me back...her exact case worker!

As God always has a perfect plan, our case worker was a Christian also!  How awesome at that!?!?

After telling her why we wanted to do this and that we felt this was totally the Lord's will she told us to get signed up for IMPACT classes  and call her back when we were done.  That usually takes several weeks (3 months) but I was so eager that I called every surrounding county to see who had the next class available asap.  Unbelievably, I found one that was offering a 1 week only class (not normal).  All 20 hours in that week!

So my husband just needed to take off work that week so we could attend.  That was the end of June.  Time couldn't go any slower for us, although after talking to everyone else, our process was pretty speedy.

We finished, we got qualified, had our home study in August, and had our first visitation with Shelby in September.

She moved in October 6, 2011.

Our story is a little different than most.  Most adopting families have little ones that hardly ever know the difference and don't have to work at growing the relationships  but we got an instant preteen!

And a beautiful one at that!

I know in months to come the unity will continue to grow and the blending of our already diversified family will become even greater.  She is a wonderful girl with wonderful potential and I can't wait to one day look back and see where time has taken us from this point in time.

She is very talented, invovled in chorus, drama and so excited to try Upward basketball for the first time this winter.

My prayer is that God will just use our family to His glory through all this and to  show Shelby as much love as possible and that her heavenly Father's love is the ultimate love that will carry her through life!

I want to encourage others who have thought of adopting a child and thought about the possibility of an older child to jump on board!  The number of children over the age of 5 is overwhelming and they need love just as much as the little ones and are so ready to give it back to you!

Thank you so much Hannah for sharing your amazing story!  

It's incredible to think that adoption wasn't even on your radar 12 months ago!  And look at your beautiful family now!

If you're interested in learning more about adoption, please feel free to contact me anytime!  I had a blast sharing these stories with you all.  I'm hoping next November we will have enough adoption stories to fill the whole month!

Adoption Guest Post - The Rienig's

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.  This may shock you, but I'm a bit of a fan of adoption.  I want to shout from the rooftops how awesome adoption is!  And to help me fan the flame, some awesome friends of mine who have also been touched through adoption are going to share their stories with you.  I hope you enjoy!


First up, my friend Kelly.  I've known her husband since the first Summer I lived here.  They are a great family and their kids give mine a run for their money in The Cutest Kid Competition. 


Here's a little of Kelly's story:


My husband and I knew we wanted to be parents.  

We felt like God called us to be parents.  


There was just one glitch in that plan.  


After several years of trying I was not able to get pregnant.

But we didn't let that stop us.  


We knew some other couples that had adopted and decided that maybe that was the route we needed to go.  


After a lot of prayer and some research, the Department of Family and Children Services seemed like the right place for us to try to adopt.  


It was a pretty lengthy process where we answered about a million and fifty-three questions, went to several weeks of classes, and learned a ton.  


After it was all said and done and we were approved.  We knew the process could be long so we settled in for a long wait.  


We were approached a couple of times over the course of about a year by our case worker and told that they "might" have a child for us, but none of them felt right.


When I got that call in December of 2008 I knew something was different.  


This time I knew a name and an age.  


This time I got pictures!  


This was our first glimpse of our precious boy.

It was several weeks before our case worker set up a meeting, but once we met Christian we knew he was ours!  


His adorable little cheeks were so squishy.  His laugh was contagious (and still is)!  Seeing that little person and knowing that I was his mom was fantastic and overwhelming all at the same time.

There was no more of the debilitating fear that I had struggled with about how it would be to deal with visitations and paperwork.  I knew that no matter what came our way, how difficult it seemed, this sweet boy was in our lives because God created him to be with us and us to be with him.  

Christian had been home with us for two weeks and I found out I was pregnant.  

Nothing just happens!  

We went from wanting to be parents to actually being parents of two in a very short time.   

We met Christian in January of 2009, Audrey came into the world in October.  By November of that same year the adoption was final, and our little family had doubled.  

Christian and Audrey are such an amazing blessings in our lives.  

My heart is full.  

To say that we are thankful doesn't even cover it.

You can follow along with Kelly and her amazingly adorable kiddos at All In A Day's Work.

The Dotted Line

***Quick Update on my brother.  He got out of surgery at about 10:00 last night.  The doctor was completely monotoned but said they believe they got all that they could, which is good news.  I suppose a doctor would never claim to have removed it all.  Last I spoke with my parents, he was in recovery and would be there for at least 4 or 5 hours.  They were hoping to go see him by midnight.  He should be groggy, but waking up today and I cannot wait to hear his voice.  
We now move on to the next step of healing his head and waiting the grueling 4 days for the pathology report to come in.  I am fully claiming that it was benign and that he is now a perfectly healthy, buzz cut sporting dude.
Thank you from the bottom of my soul for your encouraging words last night.  I knew I could count on each of you.


Now on to some happy stuff....


If you don't read every line of every post, you may have missed our added treat on Halloween.

In between running from one side of the county to the other, we made an important stop at the DFACS office to sign on the dotted line for Gabriel!

*excuse the awful phone pictures.  I was too embarrassed to bring in my real camera*

We are now fully responsible for the little bugger.

Our trial period is over.

No refund policy.

Ours forever.

He even got to sign off on his new name.

I loved that Josie got to come with us.

She has really been talking about adoption a lot the past couple months and it was awesome for her to get to listen and see us signing all the paperwork.

Gabriel was a wee bit excited too and spent the entire meeting running from one side of the room to the other.

Pretty sure he was feeding off our emotions.

That or just burning off all the cupcakes he ate at The Goodman's Halloween party.

Either way, we are one step closer to wrapping this one up.

Now we have to bring a letter to our lawyer to start the petition process.  He will request more papers from DFACS, which they said they have ready to go, then request a court date.

It's still going to be pushing it, but I'm starting to think we may get our wish of being official by Christmas!

I'm off to start reading this insane amount of paperwork outlining his whole 22 months of life.

I can't wait to read about the day he was born and the details of his heart surgeries.  All the little things that have gone unanswered are tucked away in this huge stack.

The timing couldn't have been better since November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

I have some awesome guest bloggers coming up this month that are going to share their adoption stories with you.

Each one a testimony of how awesome God is and how He creates families in so many different ways!

I hope you'll come back and read their stories and be encouraged.

"God sets the lonely in families."

- Psalm 68:6

We Made It

The 10 days are finally over!!!

We Made It!

And no words can describe as well as this picture exactly how happy we all are that Gabe can finally be Gabe.

Forever and ever, Amen.

Just Like That

Yesterday will go down as The Most Emotionally Draining Day of My Life.

I woke up extremely confident, lost all my courage on the drive, got sick 5 minutes away from the courthouse, felt waves of peace when we took our seats.

Cautious excitement when we met with the Birth Father, jumbled and confused nerves as we met with the Birth Mother, and tears as the lawyers made their announcements.

And then, elated joy.

Unspeakable thankfulness.

We walked in ready to battle for our son's future, we walked out with a glaring reminder that God goes ahead of us.

That the battle wasn't ours to fight.  He had it taken care of before we even walked in and He is able to provide abundantly more then we can ask.

Both parents voluntarily signed their rights over.

It was the exact opposite of what we expected.

Gabe's CASA worker had gone to visit with BF in prison on Monday.  She told me he cried when she told him about how happy Gabe was with us.  That he had a big sister.  That he was more then well taken care of.

At the end of their visit she asked him where he thought was the best place for Gabe to be and with big tears in his eyes he said the best place was with us.

He needed to think about it, but he told her he was considering signing his rights over so Gabe could have the life he didn't get.

BM, however, was still fighting.

We found out she had lost her part time job, but hadn't reported it and was acting like she was still working.  She knew the Court wouldn't send him back to her anytime soon, so she was still bringing up family that he could be placed with.

We were ready to fight.

DFACS had called in no less then 10 psychologists, doctors, and character witnesses to testify against BM.

As court was about to start, BF's lawyer asked if we were willing to talk to him in Chambers.

It was an emotional meeting.

We could tell that he knew what he needed to do.  He just wanted us to reassure him that we were going to love Gabe and take care of him.  He wanted to know if we would ever send pictures or updates so he could see him.  And above all else, he wanted to be sure Gabe never thought that he didn't love him.

We assured him that Gabe would be loved an unfathomable amount.  And that, if he chose to sign his rights away, he'd be giving Gabe the most selfless gift he could.

When we went out to go back to our seats, the Judge told us the BM would also like to meet with us.

We were floored.

Completely unexpected.

This woman, who two days before swore she would never consider it, was considering signing her rights over too.

She walked in and was uncontrollably crying.  She couldn't talk and it was difficult to watch.

Her lawyer told us that she had been through this kind of hearing before and didn't want to do it again.  She knew that TPR was going to happen.  The girl was scared to death.

She wanted to know the same thing as BF did.  Would we love him, would he know about her, could she ever see him again.

With both parents we were told that, legally, we can't say yes or no to any requests to see him.  When the adoption goes through, we will be the sole parents and it will be our choice when and if we decide to have any contact with either of them.

After we met with her, we went back to our seats and waited.

10 minutes later, both lawyers came out and announced that both parents were choosing to sign their rights over.

And I breathed for the first time in 13 months.

As I tried to relay the events of the day to everyone, the only word I had was Bittersweet.

As overjoyed as I am, it was painfully obvious how my gain was their loss.

Tears, cries, regret.  They filled the courtroom, took out all the air.

I am so very aware that it was their choices that landed them in this spot.  I am also more then confident that Gabriel is exactly where God needs him to be.

But that doesn't make it any easier to watch a Mom lose her child.

It was Bitter.

But, my oh my, was it ever Sweet.

My baby boy!!

MY baby boy!!

Safe, validated, confirmed.

The instant they announced what was happening a million visions that I've held back came flooding in.

I get to see him take his first steps and I get to be the one throwing his 5th birthday party.

I'll take him to get his drivers license and to Disney for the first time.

I get to be the one he calls Mom.

Forever!

In the state of Georgia, both Birth Parents have 10 days to change their minds.

10 excruciating days.

If that were to happen, we would go back to court on August 2nd and have the hearing that was supposed to happen yesterday.

All the same witnesses would be called back in.

Everyone seemed confident that the likelihood of either of them changing their minds was slim.

BF knew it was the right decision and BM was too scared of the hearing.

The countdown is on for Midnight on July 25th.

That will be the day that he is free to be ours.

We will file our Petition To Adopt and, as soon as we can get a court date, wrap this baby's future up with a pretty little bow.

Just like that, he's ours.

And we are all a little more then excited.

He Is For Him

Tomorrow is a big, big day for us.

It's TPR Day.

It feels like we've been waiting for this day for so long.

And now it's here and I'm anxious and nervous and wanting to run and hide somewhere where the chance of this not going through doesn't exist.

From the outside, it looks like a sure deal.

She's done nothing on her Case Plan and DFACS has had us sign all the adoption papers.

But from where I'm sitting, as close to the inside of it all as I can be, it's unsettled.

Every night this week, I've dreamed of different scenarios.

Dreams where she shows up and has suddenly completed the Case Plan and Gabe is sent away.

Dreams where my past is dug up and I'm found to be as unfit as her.

Dreams where I am the loser.

The idea of a woman in a black robe deciding the fate of my baby makes me cringe.

A simple "No" from her would devastate me.

Of course I know that it's not The Woman In The Black Robe making any kinds of decisions.

It's all being orchestrated from behind the scenes by The True Judge.

And He is for Gabriel.

I've been spending a lot of time in Romans lately and it's given me a reassurance that I know is the only reason I'll be able to stand upright in the Court Room today.

Without this peace, I'd never have the courage to face whatever waits for us.

This passage has been on my mind constantly.

I repeat it to myself nearly hourly and, without fail, I'm empowered by the ending line.

ROMANS 8:24 -30

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.  

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Powerful stuff, huh?

I've read parts of that a million times over the last 11 years, but something about it all together at this exact point in my life makes it so strong.

I've written it out and plan to say it over and over and over the entire time I sit in the holding area with BM and while we wait to be called back and while every person testifies and the excruciating minutes we wait to hear the Judge's decision.

And then I plan to shout some praises on the way out.

Join me in lifting this up today?  I need all the voices I can get.

Promises to update as soon as I can.

Wrapped Up In You

A year ago, we were at the beach.

Celebrating our Anniversary.

Watching Josie conquer the Ocean.

Playing Dominos with The Mabrey's.

Taking Old Baby for walks on the beach and Josie to see Toy Story 3.

And then, my phone rang.

And the rush to rent a car and pack our bags and rearrange our entire lives began.

Because we had someone waiting for us.

So we drove 8 hours, from Myrtle Beach to Thomaston, and picked up our Sweet Baby Boy.

Yup, it's been a year already.

A year of Fat Kid Laughs, Mischevious Grins, and Baby Snuggles.

A year of DFACS Meetings, Court Dates, and Birth Parent Visits.

A year of being totally wrapped up in him.

Josie's Best Friend from his first morning home.

Andrew's Little Man

And my Little Stud.

We didn't even know we were missing him, but we were.

Our family just wouldn't make sense without him.

It's been a year since Baby Gabe casually came on the scene.  Wrapping all of us around his chubby little fingers and making his place known.

He's come a long way this past year.  From a grey, wheezing newborn to a healthy, rowdy toddler.

And we are so, SO very proud of him!

Happy Gotcha Day Sweet Gabriel! 

Wait For It...

Court could not have gone better.

Well, I suppose they could have granted us TPR right on the spot, but we did get the next best thing.

TPR HEARING SET FOR JULY 15th!

I feel like we've been waiting and waiting and waiting, with no end in sight.

But as the caseworker slide the paper to me with our TPR date on it, I could actually feel a weight lifting off of me.

The end is almost here!

Of course, the Judge has to approve it.

While I know there is always a chance it could be denied, BM has done NOTHING on the case.  

Still living with the unapproved roommate, still smoking, still only working 10-15 hours a week.  Not attending AA Meetings, no car, and hasn't paid a dime in child support to the State.

And on top of that, the new lawyer she requested?

He's awful.

He showed up for court 2 hours late.  Our case was actually called towards the beginning of the day, but he wasn't there.  Someone had to call him to remind him to come.

And once he walked in, it was blatantly obvious that he had no information at all about the case.

He asked leading questions that actually allowed for every person on the stand to give more negative information on BM.

It was hard to watch.

Court was actually very, very eye opening for me.

I said yesterday that the case was going to be heard by a new Judge.  Our normal Judge was out this month.

Normally, we sit in the holding area downstairs and wait to be called up.

This Judge holds Open Court so we went right in at 9 along with all the other DFACS Cases and got to listen to each hearing.

It is so easy for me to get Tunnel Vision.  

I know Gabriel is my only concern right now.  My job is to go after what it best for him.

But, my goodness guys.

For every Gabe, there are 100's of other kids.

The stories ran from abandoned babies to runaway teens.

Almost every hearing had a parent wearing prison stripes.

NONE of the cases had parents that were actually working their plan to get their child back.

I watched other hopeful adoptive parents shake their heads with the same disgust that Andrew and I feel listening to our Birth Mother's excuses.

I was infuriating and heart breaking.

DFACS, which shouldn't even be a needed entity, will never run out of kids.

Our case was quick.  

BM had just been served TPR Notice 10 minutes before our case was called so she was a wreck.

The Case Worker and CASA Worker both testified the same thing.  No progress has been made and Gabriel is where he needs to be.

Andrew even got to get up to speak to the Judge.

He stressed the importance of Gabe's heart condition.  That while he appears to be a healthy 16 Month Old Boy, his 3 heart chambers are constantly working overtime.  He needs to be closely monitored while he's playing.  He can't eat junk.  He needs stability.

Her lawyer asked him how Gabe does after visits (stupid leading question) so he replied honestly, he's exhausted and overly irritated.  He's hot and sweaty and crabby from a 2 hour car ride.

I was so proud of him.

The Judge approved the custody extension without a blink.

So now we wait for the 15th.

It's going to be a struggle to stay calm.  It's a nerve wracking thing to be this close to the end.

If TPR is approved, all visitation stops that day (PTL!!!)

However, she has 30 days to appeal.  

And while I'm praying she does the right thing and just backs off, I'm 99% sure she will appeal.  After all, her lawyer is paid for and she doesn't have to have any grounds for appeal.

If she does appeal, all the court recordings and notes are sent to the Appellate Court.  

They review everything.

And they aren't looking for whether or not they think BM deserves more time.  They are solely listening to see if the law was followed.

As long as there were no legal mistakes (which our caseworker said has only happened once), the appeal is denied and TPR is final.

All her rights are severed.  She is no longer his mother and never will be again.

And then we will file our petition to adopt and hopefully make this whole Gabriel Pope thing official by Christmas!