He Is For Him

Tomorrow is a big, big day for us.

It's TPR Day.

It feels like we've been waiting for this day for so long.

And now it's here and I'm anxious and nervous and wanting to run and hide somewhere where the chance of this not going through doesn't exist.

From the outside, it looks like a sure deal.

She's done nothing on her Case Plan and DFACS has had us sign all the adoption papers.

But from where I'm sitting, as close to the inside of it all as I can be, it's unsettled.

Every night this week, I've dreamed of different scenarios.

Dreams where she shows up and has suddenly completed the Case Plan and Gabe is sent away.

Dreams where my past is dug up and I'm found to be as unfit as her.

Dreams where I am the loser.

The idea of a woman in a black robe deciding the fate of my baby makes me cringe.

A simple "No" from her would devastate me.

Of course I know that it's not The Woman In The Black Robe making any kinds of decisions.

It's all being orchestrated from behind the scenes by The True Judge.

And He is for Gabriel.

I've been spending a lot of time in Romans lately and it's given me a reassurance that I know is the only reason I'll be able to stand upright in the Court Room today.

Without this peace, I'd never have the courage to face whatever waits for us.

This passage has been on my mind constantly.

I repeat it to myself nearly hourly and, without fail, I'm empowered by the ending line.

ROMANS 8:24 -30

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.  

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Powerful stuff, huh?

I've read parts of that a million times over the last 11 years, but something about it all together at this exact point in my life makes it so strong.

I've written it out and plan to say it over and over and over the entire time I sit in the holding area with BM and while we wait to be called back and while every person testifies and the excruciating minutes we wait to hear the Judge's decision.

And then I plan to shout some praises on the way out.

Join me in lifting this up today?  I need all the voices I can get.

Promises to update as soon as I can.


Crystal said...


kimmer said...

I will be repeating and praying this right along with you across miles. Please feel my love and hope and know that God is good. He will walk with you tomorrow and help you to be strong. It will be so.

Linda Z said...

Those are great verse and will encourage me in my adoption journey as well. I will lift your family up in prayer this morning.

Mo said...

I seldom comment but read regularly. I will be praying.

MyLinda said...

I'll be thinking of you! I've been there and it will be a very emotional day for you no matter what happens. Praying for the best outcome for precious Gabe!

Stacey said...

Pray for you and your little family.

Stacey said...

Pray for you and your little family.

Tammy said...

I'm praying, too. This will all be over so soon.