5.08.2011

Stall Tactics


Sorry to keep you hanging without an update.

I've had Internet issues and to be honest, I was worn down.

I want so badly to guard my thoughts and words.  I need to be gentle and kind.  So figuring out how I was going to relay what happened at court was challenging.

We did not get the TPR.

In fact, the case wasn't even heard.  

A little back story: Birth parents declined legal representation at the beginning of the case.  Then when BF was arrested for drug charges, he decided to have a lawyer in this case too.  At the March hearing, BM decided that she too wanted this same lawyer.  The judge went over complications that could come up if they were sharing a lawyer, but they signed a waiver that they understood and the case would not be held up due to this.

Well, you can probably guess, complications have arose and BM wants a new lawyer.

And apparently, she decided to wait until the morning of court to tell anyone she wanted a new lawyer.

And even though they signed the waiver, the Judge decided to allow a continuance to give her time to contact a lawyer.

It's really silly.

The Judge even told her that unless she was nearly done with the case plan (which she is no where near completing) that she would be ruling for DFACS to get another 6 month custody order.

She still wanted a lawyer.

So we go back June 7th.  This hearing will just be what this past one was supposed to be, not the TPR.

We will have a different Judge, which I'm hoping and praying is a good thing.  I've heard the Judge we will have is a no nonsense Judge.  And we could use a dose of no nonsense.

We also found out that the TPR hasn't been filed with the courts.  That should be done within 4 months, hopefully much, much sooner.

The Judge did decide to do a status review.

Listening to the lawyer go over how poorly BM is doing and then there being zero consequence burned me up inside.  I was literally shaking I was so mad.

It is so very obvious that she cannot care for him, yet we are still having to go through this dance with the courts.

She claimed that she, "appreciates all the Pope family has done, but she would like him placed with her step uncle if TPR goes through."

The Judge did change BF's status to Non Reunification since he will not be out of jail before the case is over.

Don't worry, DFACS didn't even consider it.  He's an older, single man who is not a blood relative and has never even met the baby.

BM has done NOTHING in the past 10 months to get any closer to finishing the case plan, so we are still confident that the TPR will go through, but it's frustrating.

And I can't lie, every time we walk out of that court room and she is still his legal mother, it gets harder.

Technically, she would have to be clean, have stable housing, and a full time job for 6 straight months before he could be sent to her and the clock hasn't even started since she has none of those things.  We will have the TPR hearing before enough time can even pass for her to stand a chance.

But they are SO easy on her in court.

And this time ended up being the hardest on me emotionally.

I know it's because I was so confident that this was it.  The end of the waiting.

So when the continuance was granted, it knocked the wind out of my sails.

It made it hard to listen to the CASA worker reassuring me that it's going to work in our favor.

I'm just ready for a victory.

BM's Mom showed up at court too.

And while I wasn't expecting her to look like any of my mom's, I was surprised by what she did look and act like.

It confirmed in my heart that this child doesn't stand a chance with them.  

The cycle was obvious.  The lack of means was obvious.  

After the ruling (which was technically in their favor) she ran out of the courtroom yelling, "My baby needs to come home!!!" 

And, once again I'll be honest, I almost snapped.

It was too much.

I was too drained.

Tired, exhausted.

And the Mama Bear in me almost made a very public appearance.

How dare she?!?!

Her baby?!?!

What size clothes does he wear?  Does he like peas?  Does he sleep on his stomach or his back?  

Do you know that he throws his head back to laugh when he's really, really happy?

Can you trace his scar without looking? 

Do you schedule all his appointments or give him his medication?

When was the last time you got up all night to soothe him?

Her baby.

What a joke.

As if birthing a child made you a mother.

I know that this is a process.  And I know that God is refining me.  Teaching me.  Molding me.

I see the difference in who I am today versus who I was last June.

My priorities have changed, my outlook has changed.

And I appreciate the process.

But Lord am I ready to call this one a wrap.

Court wasn't a fail.

DFACS custody will be renewed, no doubt about it.

So my frustration doesn't come from that.  It's just how blatantly obvious the right move for Gabe is, and the fact that legally, that doesn't matter.

So that's it.

We wait 30 days and do it all again.

9 comments:

Amy @ dwell in the season said...

Ugh. That leaves a pit in my heart. I am praying not necessarily that this process will go so much faster, but that you will have a peace in it all. Gabe is in the right home, and yes, you are his mother!

Amy @ dwell in the season said...

P.S. Happy Mother's Day! :)

kimmer said...

I feel your frustration...I know what is in your heart for this child. The love and devotion you show for him every single day is so beautiful and so real. I wish there was something I could do to help. Prayers and love...that's what I will send your way each day. You are doing your best and that is making a difference in his life right now!

Beth said...

Oh this brought back memories. I could feel my throat closing and my chest getting tight as I remember being in the same exact spot!!!!! Our BM went through 3 lawyers and they were always very very easy on her. I can totally relate to how you feel about her not knowing your baby. I potty trained them, I taught them to sleep through the night, I calm every fear that came from her poor care. I have been where you are and it totally sucks!!!
But God is faithful and He sees everyones hearts and motives even when the court does not. Justice comes from HIm and Him alone. That does not mean a victory for you (as you know) but THIS is when your faith becomes real. You are doing a great job! Keep focusing on the day you have in front of you. There are good days ahead!

miamihoney said...

There are no words....I am so sorry. I am still praying for you and your family. I know that this process is killing you and yet your words ring so poetic and peaceful. I truly believe He is at work and your baby will be yours, for always.

Linda Z said...

I've totally been lurking on your blog since I found you on WIWW. :) You and your family are so adorable!!

Hang in there with the court stuff!!! Gabe is totally worth it. I'll be praying for you! :)

Donovan Doins said...

I echo what Beth posted, my heart felt so much anxiety for you as we sat in the very same spot with our boy.

I am praying for your family, and the courts, as this process goes on. Praying that God's mightiness will be proven to all. Even a worldly system that bows to our God.

Crystal said...

I'm sorry for the set backs but I haven't stopped praying & I have faith that Gabriel will be a Pope! Hugs to you!

MyLinda said...

I know all about that frustration, we went through it for 3.5 years but in the end she is my daughter and Gabe will be your son! Going through it once proved to be too much for us, that's why we decided to go adopt only this time...tpr will already be done!

Praying for peace in your heart as you wait these next 30 days! (HUGS)