When I was wanting a baby, I'd find myself staring at pregnant ladies. Calculating how and when we would get ours.
When I finally got tired of my 15 year old Altima, I sent countless pictures of cars to Andrew. Researching milage, models, and duh, colors.
There was a time that I desperately wanted a fancy job in Atlanta with an office that had a window. I daydreamed about wearing business clothes and high heels, meeting friends for happy hour at trendy bars downtown. I'd drive through the city and could see myself walking down the street, obviously late for something very important after being held up by something equally important.
These days, my longings are a bit strange.
Gone is the desire to smell my own babies head, I've got two of those freshly bathed and sound asleep upstairs.
I have my pretty hybrid car in the garage and realized that having a real job meant getting up and going to said real job every. single. day. Thanks, but no thanks.
What I find my mind wandering off to nowadays is a UHaul in my driveway.
Oh man. Just typing it out gets my heart beating faster. I want it and I want it bad.
It's weird to sit here and know that we are moving 1900 miles away, but not have any idea when. I'm at a standstill with packing boxes, it kind of just feels silly when we don't have a plan as to when we are going.
I swear I check my email 7 billion times a day, waiting for the "Hey, your house is sold" email. Which, I kind of know isn't how it works. There's about a ton of steps in between showing and signing, but I'd be ok with it just happening in an email.
We just had our first really hard weekend.
After a super busy week, I decided we would just stay home most of the weekend. Which was a fine idea, but gave us entirely too much time to sit and remember how much we miss Andrew. By bedtime Sunday night, both kids were in tears.
"I just want someone to take me to see my Daddy!"
Me too baby. Me too.
We sat and did some good old, soul soothing crying together and then I drenched a couple of Andrew's rouge shirts in his cologne and gave them to the kids. It was enough to comfort them into a deep sleep, but triggered my memories making it a long, sad night for me.
It's hard to be away from him.
And I know, I know, it's only been a month. But since we don't have any offers yet, we know we have at least one more month and it just feels like forever.
Here's where I use my famous line:
Maybe this will be the week.
One of these times I'm going to get to be right. How's that for glass half full?