The Other Side of Mothering

This year being a Mom has felt different. 

It wasn't the pancakes in the morning, hot dinner at night that I'd grown accustomed to. This job that has been near effortless for me suddenly required infinite reserves of effort. 

It took the form of gut wrenching agony, worry, fear, no shower for days. It was holding my crying son while willing my own eyes to hold back the tears. It was missing one child to care for the other. Trusting my village to protect them when I couldn't. I was pulled, pushed, bent and molded.

Carrying the title of Mom was hard this year. 

But through it all, I ended each day with a deep feeling if victory. 

I'd survived!

I'd made it through the puke and the tears and all the doctor jargon that I barely understood. 

Motherhood, and my views of it, have shifted forever. 

And now we are getting ready to move across the country. 

I'm leaving my Village that has helped me in the moments I needed it most and I can already feel my ability to Mother being stretched again. Stress trying to creep in and make me forget all I've learned through the darkness of the few months. That I am strong and able and made for this.  That this, this insanely hard job of molding little people, is my greatest adventure.

I'm not big into Mother's Day.

I don't feel like I need a day off or to be pampered (although the survey the kids filled out where Gabe answered every question with "hot dog" may be my favorite thing ever).  But I do like to think of it as a jumping off point for the next year.  I get 365 days this year to be the very best Mother I can be.  I'm ready for a new adventure and more than just a little excited about how I'll be changed between now and the next Mother's Day.

These kids?

They have made this life more than I ever dreamed of.

Happy Mother's Day everyone.  Make this year your best yet.