I've had a heavy thought on my heart since Gabe's last Cardiologist appointment.
It struck me like a hammer the moment his Birth Mother walked into the room.
It pulled at my emotions as I handed him over to her.
Something I've known in my head but realized for the first time in my heart.
Her and I?
We aren't even close.
Not the least bit similar.
There seriously is not one common ground that I share with her.
Other then that we both want this baby.
The stark contrast between us takes my breath away.
Which got me thinking about the unbelieveable difference that means for Gabe's life.
There will be no common ground.
No familiar comforts.
It's a firm fork in the road of his life.
And as I looked at the woman sitting in the chair across from me, holding my baby, I had to hold back tears.
I caught a glimpse of just how much his day to day life will change if the Judge rules in her favor.
She will love him the best she can.
She will try to provide for him.
She will convince herself she is the best option.
But it will be nothing compared to what I offer him.
She offers a broken home with a Father serving 5 to 10 years in State Prison.
I offer a stable home with a supportive extended family that love him to peices.
She has no home, no job, no idea what it takes to raise a child.
And as I was trying to push this thought out of my head a new question consumed me.
Wanna know what question I couldn't get out of my head?
Will she remember to buy him socks?
I had an overwhemling need to inform her that she'll need to buy him socks.
My baby's feet get cold and they grow fast so she needs to get him socks.
I know that for this next two weeks, as we wait for our court date, my mind will be a battlefeild.
Full of What If's and How Come's.
I'm hoping and praying that I can walk into that courtroom confident that Gabe's best interest will be obtained.
Because if they send my baby back to her, he will be in unfamiliar land.
And that breaks my heart.