11.08.2010

I'm In Trouble


I made it four months without letting my guard down.

I was able to truthfully say that he was just a Foster Baby for about 95 days.

But somewhere during the month of October I went from Foster Mom to Mom.  

He went from Temporary Baby to My First Son.

I can't pinpoint the day I locked eyes with him and knew something was different, but it happened and everything is different.

Uninvited.  Unplanned.  Uncertain.

Oh boy.  Am I in trouble now.

This is the part of Fostering that I haven't had to deal with yet.  All our other sweet, sweet placements have left before the day my heart decided they were mine.

And here I sit.  Totally smitten with his dark brown eyes.  With his insanely cute dimples and big fat wrists.

And I feel zero guilt in calling him my son.

Lucky for me, his case is leaning more and more in the favor of him legally becoming my son too.

Andrew and I feel extremely confident that he will not be going back anytime soon and the caseworker isn't convinced he ever will.

The Birth Family has nearly impossible hurdles to cross.  And I am anxious to hear what the Judge will say when we go to court at the end of the month.

Except I'm not anxious.

I have a peace.  You know, the kind that surpasses all understanding.

The kind that only comes from knowing that you are smack dab in the middle of what God has called you to do.

So I'll keep doing it.

Andrew and I would be so thrilled to add his name to our roster.  A little man that neither of us saw on the horizon.

We go to court on the 30th of this month.  I'm sure it will be open and close that the case is extended.  Pretty much every part of the case plan (that was ridiculously easy) has been violated.  The question is what will happen next.

According to the caseworker they will be requesting a TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) Plan to be started along with the extended case plan.  Supposedly this means that if the case plan is violated again after this court date we won't have to go back to court to request the TPR be started.  It will already be approved.

I'm not sure, but the fact that they are even considering this makes me feel like the ball just got shifted to our side.

I fought the screams of my heart to let him in.  I wanted to protect myself.  But eventually I realized I already loved him and denying it wasn't going to make this process any easier.

So now I tell people I have 2 children.  

And I don't mind it one little bit.

I'm also sick of calling him Baby V.  So from here on out he's Gabriel.  Gabe for short.

It's not his real name, but if he stays it will be so we're still somewhat obeying the rules!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

He is the most precious little boy! And I love Love LOVE his roly poly hands :) ♥♥♥ Amy King

Kameron said...

I can't even imagine how hard it must be to have him and want him to become yours and deal wth the uncertainty of what the future holds. I hope God's will is done and you get a resolution soon.

Crystal said...

So exciting! I am so happy to hear that things are going your way in keeping this little guy. I don't know how you held out the 95 days LOL! Will be praying for the Popes!

Maura said...

I know how you feel:) We have had our little girl for 7 months and somewhere along the way she became a part of us. I can't think of what life would be like with out her:)

Natasha said...

You and Andrew are amazing people and amazing parents. Gabe will be lucky to call you mama :) I hope it all works out for you guys!

Donovan Doins said...

I remember when we were at this stage with our adoption, a changing of the heart.

I will be praying for court at the end of the month.

MyLinda said...

I SO know that smack-in-the-face feeling when there's no denying that you have fallen head over heels. It feels wonderful to finally let yourself open your heart. It happened several times while we were fostering... only one of them stayed forever but the love we got to show/feel when we opened our heart was worth the pain when they left us.

Praying that God's plan is for Gabe to be with your family forever!

Mrs. M said...

Awww...I'm glad he has your heart. You both deserve it!
Here's hoping that the courts will truly do what is in the child's best interest...and that is the Pope family!

Paige said...

I have to admit that this is probably my most favorite post that I have ever read of yours. I read your blog daily, although I rarely comment. I truly am inspired and admire you and you Hubs. Gabe is one very lucky little boy! I pray that the future holds nothing but happiness for you guys!

Amber said...

I love that little chocolate chunk of love!!! You already know how happy I am with the turn of events. So thankful for those who cannot follow the rules on the job!!! ; )