I'm In Trouble

I made it four months without letting my guard down.

I was able to truthfully say that he was just a Foster Baby for about 95 days.

But somewhere during the month of October I went from Foster Mom to Mom.  

He went from Temporary Baby to My First Son.

I can't pinpoint the day I locked eyes with him and knew something was different, but it happened and everything is different.

Uninvited.  Unplanned.  Uncertain.

Oh boy.  Am I in trouble now.

This is the part of Fostering that I haven't had to deal with yet.  All our other sweet, sweet placements have left before the day my heart decided they were mine.

And here I sit.  Totally smitten with his dark brown eyes.  With his insanely cute dimples and big fat wrists.

And I feel zero guilt in calling him my son.

Lucky for me, his case is leaning more and more in the favor of him legally becoming my son too.

Andrew and I feel extremely confident that he will not be going back anytime soon and the caseworker isn't convinced he ever will.

The Birth Family has nearly impossible hurdles to cross.  And I am anxious to hear what the Judge will say when we go to court at the end of the month.

Except I'm not anxious.

I have a peace.  You know, the kind that surpasses all understanding.

The kind that only comes from knowing that you are smack dab in the middle of what God has called you to do.

So I'll keep doing it.

Andrew and I would be so thrilled to add his name to our roster.  A little man that neither of us saw on the horizon.

We go to court on the 30th of this month.  I'm sure it will be open and close that the case is extended.  Pretty much every part of the case plan (that was ridiculously easy) has been violated.  The question is what will happen next.

According to the caseworker they will be requesting a TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) Plan to be started along with the extended case plan.  Supposedly this means that if the case plan is violated again after this court date we won't have to go back to court to request the TPR be started.  It will already be approved.

I'm not sure, but the fact that they are even considering this makes me feel like the ball just got shifted to our side.

I fought the screams of my heart to let him in.  I wanted to protect myself.  But eventually I realized I already loved him and denying it wasn't going to make this process any easier.

So now I tell people I have 2 children.  

And I don't mind it one little bit.

I'm also sick of calling him Baby V.  So from here on out he's Gabriel.  Gabe for short.

It's not his real name, but if he stays it will be so we're still somewhat obeying the rules!