8.15.2010

Sacrificing My Issac

I've been spending a lot of time in my Bible and talking to God trying to figure out what His plan is for Baby V.

I want to be submitted to what He has called me to do, while at the same time wanting to twist His arm into letting him stay.

After meeting his Birth Parents I was even more convinced that we were the most reasonable choice. That his life with us would be better, safer, more complete.

Surely God couldn't argue with that.

I was sitting in church Wednesday night, praying about the baby, when it hit me.

Sometimes God makes unreasonable requests.

A child taken too soon. A lost dream. A missed opportunity.

Sarah and Abraham waited years for Issac.

And then God asked Abraham to kill him.

And Abraham was going to.

Unreasonable?

Yes.

But sometimes, God asks us to do the impossible. And it's our job to trust that He knows what He's doing.

How can I trust that He formed the Earth from nothing? That He has counted the hairs on my head? That my sins are forgiven?

Yet think that Baby V's life is out of His hands?

God hasn't told me if Baby V is staying or if he's going. But I'm OK with the fact that I may not ever understand the why.

So I'm giving him up daily. Sacrificing my Issac. Trusting that God is in control.

Even if it's not the outcome I want.

I believe God has given me strength for my days. That whatever I'm up against is nothing compared to what is in me.

I also believe that God wouldn't have placed him in our home if we weren't going to have an impact on his life. Be it for a couple months or the rest of his life.

Being a Foster Parent is my assignment.

These kids are my assignment.

Some people go their whole lives without ever learning what God has created them for.

I'm 100% sure this is what I was made to do.

Mother the Motherless.

Hold the Abandoned.

Rock the Unloved.

And then release them into God's hands.

It's uncomfortable. It's scary. It will surely hurt and break my heart.

But victory is on the other side. The blessing is in obedience. And if I listen, God will lead me.

He sees all of my days. He formed the mountains and crafted the stars. Surely He can hold this 6 month old baby in his hands and guide him safely home.

Wherever that may end up being.

10 comments:

Amber said...

Keep on sister, keep on! : )

Betsy said...

Wow! I just read that aloud to my husband. That really spoke to me. Keep the faith and you can conquer anything.

Crystal said...

Beautiful post!Praying for you guys and Baby V!

Josie Kolasa said...

I don't think I've ever commented here before, but I just had to on this post...
My stepson sees his mom every other weekend. It's unsafe and it breaks my heart everytime he has to go there. This post put in into perspective. And it did it so eloquently. Thank you, thank you from another MN girl!

Tristan said...

I pray that you get to keep him..I would miss seeing his sweet face on the blog!

The Benefields said...

,You are an amazing woman with a heart of gold. i know that i have had doubts about this situation and have voiced my opinion but that is only because i love you and i dont want to see you hurt. this post has put me in my place. you are obviously stronger than i give you credit for and i know that what you are doing, whether short term or for good, will change little mans life forever. Its obvious that you love him more than anything but your heart is in the right place. I love you so much, and know that no matter what happens I'm right here beside you the whole way. (Although it might be you consoling me if he leaves :))

kimmer said...

My dear girl...I am amazed at your beautiful, certain faith. And you are teaching us all so much about strength and love here with your words. I feel every bit of your love for this child in my heart too. You are making a big difference in his life right now, today.I have had a revelation... maybe from God, or one of his angels. I don't know, its never happened before. It led me to know, for sure, that its going to be all right for him, whatever the outcome. God has a plan for this little one, and it will be ok. much Love.

~Nanny~ said...

I pray for your family daily:)

Kameron said...

They say that a child's ability to love and be a confident person later in life is due largely to the love they receive between 6 and 8 months. You could have a huge impact on his life just by being the loving mother figure at this critical time. I hope you guys get to keep him, but whatever God's will may be, I know he will be better off for having been with your family.

Pipsylou said...

YOu have me in absolute tears. We have our first home visit tonight and I am so uncertain...

and yet not at all...