3.25.2009

Meeting His Roots

We have had a very surreal past 24 hours.
It started with an email and ending with Andrew meeting his birth mother.

Let me rewind.
Andrew was adopted by his awesome parents when he was a month old. His birth mother had been a 12 year old little girl.
Yes, I said 12 years old.
If you've ever spent time with a 12 year old, you would know that the possiblity of her being able to raise Andrew were slim to none.
But she tried. She wanted it to work. But there was just no way.
So she went to her sister's youth pastor, who was having a hard time becoming a Dad, and asked if he was interested in adopting a baby boy.
That baby boy was Andrew.

Since I have known Andrew, about 9 years, he has gone through random periods of wanting to know more about his mom. When we got Josie he decided he wanted to find her.
All he had was her name. He got a few leads, but they all were dead ends.
Nobody had seen her since high school.
So he gave up. He thought that if they were ever going to meet, she would have to find him.

On Monday I decided to check my much neglected MySpace page. I had only one message, from a lady wondering if my husband was Andrew Pope and if he had been adopted.
I wasn't sure what Andrew's current thoughts were on meeting his birth mother so I decided to let him reply.
The email was from his birth mother's best friend. She told him that she had been searching for him for a very long time and wanted to meet him someday if he was open to it.
He was and they met today.

He was calm and collected, unphased by the fact that he was about to meet 1/2 of his DNA.
That's Andrew for you.
When he got home from meeting her he gave me more facts about the situation surrounding his conception and adoption.
As you can imagine, it's very sad.
But he said she was a very cool person and that they share a lot of personality traits, something he has always wondered about.

I could tell that he felt like a weight was lifted off. I can't imagine spending your life wondering what your birth mother would be like, if she wanted you, why she left you, if you were like her.

Him meeting her has brought up a whirl of emotion for me.
As an adoptive mom myself, I find it strange to be reminded that there is a woman out there who gave my daughter life.
It's easy to let myself forget.
Not that I have any chance of having her birth mother try to contact her. But it is a reminder that she is out there somewhere.

I am totally excited for Andrew. I know this means a lot to him and I am doing my best to be supportive and cautious at the same time.

But I also feel for Darlene, Andrew's Mom.
It can't be easy. It must be strange.
It must feel a little like a violation. That this woman could come in and claim any part of your child after you raised him.
Then again, Darlene is a strong woman who has no doubt in her heart that Andrew is fully hers. That she has his heart.

I hope that all parts of this strange new dynamic can coexist in whatever comes next. Which by the way, we are totally clueless about.
I also hope that this will be a bridge to help explain adoption and birth moms and all that goes with it to Josie.

And I won't lie, I am a little relieved that Josie's birth mom won't ever be interested in contacting her. Or even knows she exists.
But if by some strange turn of events she were to, I hope and pray that I would be able to handle it as graciously as Darlene is.

6 comments:

That's what she said said...

Wow what an amazing post.
I can see how you feel.
My little Bean was adopted by my husband now. Her "sperm donor" hauled tail as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I know a day will come when we have to tell her about where she came from. But it scares me to no end that the day will come & that she might want to find out about him & meet him.

I can say he will never appear wanting to meet her but I can't deny her wanting to know him & meet him. I can only hope that I don't have to tell her or that when I do she won't care to know anyone other than her true "Daddy" (my husband now).

Amber said...

David called to tell me what was going on and I couldn't believe it. I'm glad it went well. I know how long he has been thinking about all this.

Ashley said...

Wow, that is amazing! And all in 24 hours too. :)

bri said...

that is so amazing! I have the same thoughts about what would I do IF Bear's mother ever came looking for him. It will be surreal that is for sure!

Blessings on all that is to come!

Lani said...

That is an amazing story. I am adopted too, and never have known much about my birth parents and never wanted to either until we had izzy. I would like to meet her now and thank her....but i haven't gone about starting to look. I guess part of me doesn't knwo where to start.

We haven't heard from Iz's bm since August and I think of her often and wonder if/when we will hear from her again...and I am a bit nervous when iz gets older how she will feel about it too. I know that as long as i love her she will know i am her mom and I also know i can never take the place of the bm whether they have a relationship or not... Adoption is an amazing gift...but i would be lying if there wasn't a part of me that is a little nervous for when iz experiences the same feeling your dh has and that i have felt.

The Swann's said...

Oh wow... I can only imagine the feelings that everyone is experiencing right now! I hope that you are able to get a sense of peace throughout this situation and answers will come as desired!

On a more chipper note... I tagged you. Check out my blog post for your next steps. :-)

nottheuglyduckling.blogspot.com/