No Decision Yet.

For those of you who are waiting on our decision, I'm still wavering.
One minute I'm dead set on wanting him, the next it doesn't feel right.

I did finally pick his name. I settled back on the one we had picked out a couple years ago:
Caden Nathaniel.

I put off calling the family back all morning until they called me.
She thought she missed my call, but it was from the night before. I'm glad she called or I may have never got up the nerve.
It was the girl's grandmother, so the baby's great grandmother, and she was more then sweet.
I told her we had talked about it, but weren't 100% sure yet and told her we'd let her know very soon.
She totally understood. They just asked us to let them know as soon as we decided so that they could try to locate another family if we don't adopt him.
They seem like a great family. It breaks my heart that they can't raise him themselves.

So what's my deal?
Why can't I get myself to say yes?
Andrew had me make out a list of reasons that I wouldn't want to do it and they are totally selfish; it will cost too much money to have to buy formula and diapers, we don't have enough time to get ready, I won't be able to get any sleep.

Then when I picture myself with two kids, I can totally see it. Little Cade in his baby sling and Josie playing. I know I could do it. But it is such a sacrafice.
Josie was such a good baby and what if he isn't? What if he cries all the time? What if Josie hates having another kid in the house? What if we're not ready?

Anyways, that's where we are. My heart wants to do it, my head isn't ready for the sacrifice. But every time Andrew says, "so you don't want to do it then?" I can't get myself to say no.

Please keep us in your prayers. I need to see God's will for this situation and soon!


Kayla said...

I'm positive that you'll make the right decision. I obviously can not fathom how huge of a deal this is, but I know you can handle this. You are SUPER and WONDERFUL. Whatever path you both end up walking down, I know everything will be just amazing for you guys!

&by the way, Caden Nathaniel Pope sounds like an adorable name! :)

bri said...

Oh my goodness girl... That is crazy awesome the opportunity! I know there are many possibilities to weigh out but as long as you pray it through God will lead you in the right direction. Just ignore your flesh.

AND if you don't do it you can send him this way... we are open (not technically or legally... age/ratio reasons but just don't tell anyone! haha)

Best of luck in this decision.

Betsy said...

You will still be in our prayers...what a blessing adoption is. While reading your blog it seems to be more exciting then finding out your pregnant. My husband and I are still seriously considering it so I might be e-mailing with more questions. You will make the best decision for you, Josie, and Andrew...I just know it.

The Swann's said...

I just wanted you to know that I'm praying so hard for you guys!!!!

If you want to e-mail me on this, you can. But you know that with a little bit of effort you COULD brestfeed the little guy... Perhaps not exclusively but with only some formula supplementation so the cost would be less there. :-)

Oh, I can't wait to hear the final decision!!!!! Sounds like Andrew is a great husband and on board for whatever you want to do! But talk about pressure... :-)

Okay. now i'm officially blabbering. I'll be checking in for sure though often! :-)

Oh, and Caden was a name I was going to suggest! i LOVE that name!!! :-) It's on the list for our boy names as well...

QuEEn oF tHe cAstLe said...

My husband and I are foster parents in NY since 2005. We have 4 bio daughters and we're praying for a baby boy (or 2) to complete our family. We have an updated homestudy and we are hoping for an open adoption. If you decide that it's not God's timing for this baby to join your family PLEASE contact us through email at hut31999@aol.com if the birthfamily is willing to consider us. Thanks.

P.S.- I'm not sure how I found your blog but your sweet Josie is GORGEOUS!!! What a little blessing!

visit my blog...


Anonymous said...

I remember when I was expecting my second son. I was very deep into labor and didn't want to go to the hospital because I was leaving my baby at home. I loved him so much how could I even love anyone else as much? I cried all thru the delivery until he was in my arms and then I knew there was even more love than there had ever been before as if my heart got even bigger and got bigger still when the next three came along. I know ther are many things to ponder and consider but don't let not having enough love stop you you have way more than you'll ever know.

Anonymous said...

Children are the best sacrifice you'll ever make. I have 3 children and I was scared to death when I had my second baby that my first wouldn't think I loved him anymore. I couldn't imagine any one of my children without the other...they are each other's best friends. Your heart groes bigger and bigger with each addition, and you'll most certainly love another as much as your first.

Lost In Splendor said...

Wow. That is a huge decision. Plus you would be getting him from birth so that is A LOT of extra work initially. I hope the answer becomes clear to you. I know that is something HUGE to be wavering on. I'm glad to hear you are taking your time with it though and not rushing to any one decision.

Good luck!

Lani said...

Oh my i missed some serious stuff while I was gone. That is crazy, and it just amazes me that more times that not this is how adoption happens, so fast and unexpected.

I know exactly how you feel because i would feel the same way. Just follow your heart.

Good luck with your decision!