God Winks

There are moments in my life where I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that God knows me.
That he is watching, preparing, weaving my life together.

I have lived a roller coaster life.
From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.
He has brought me through an addiction to meth, abusive relationships, and self hatred.
He has restored me and lifted me higher then I could have ever fathomed.
He has honestly made all my dreams come true.

And although there have been numerous times that I have questioned him and his purposes, wondered if he had turned and run from me, my cup truly does runneth over.

As I was getting ready for Josie's party, I found myself aimlessly cleaning out our medicine cabinet (don't you do that before you have a party?!?!).
Taped to the door there is a florescent orange note card that my mom sent me a couple years ago. It's a prayer that she had in her heart for me.
While she asked God to grant me good health and blessings on my marriage, while she thanked our Lord for giving me to her, she pleaded with God to make me a mother.
She told God that I would be a good mom.
That I wanted it so bad.

When I received the prayer card in the mail Andrew and I had just gotten a clean bill of health from our fertility doctor a month before.
All previous scarring and disease was gone. Not a trace of blockage remained.
Yet we still weren't pregnant.
Three years of trying to become parents was wearing on our marriage, on our nerves.
My chart was marked "unexplained infertility" and we were told to just keep trying.
Try not to think about it.

While I have always know my mom was a Christian and believed in God, she had never sent me such a prayer.
I cherished it.
I read it every morning when I opened that cabinet to get my, seemingly unnecessary, prenatal vitamins that made me gag.

As I cleaned out the cabinet on Saturday morning, I peeled back the tape and read my prayer. This time with a spirit of Thanksgiving for my miracle baby.
The one I didn't need prenatal vitamins to protect.
The one that I didn't find out about by a plus sign on a stick.

And then I turned the card over, like I've done a thousand times since the first time I read it.

My eyes welled up with tears as I noticed, for the first time, the date that she wrote it.

February 11, 2007

The exact day Josie was being born in the back of an ambulance 11 miles from my house.
How great is our God? That he knows exactly what plans he has for our life?

He was busy knitting Josie together in her first mother's womb, while he was busy knitting my heart in ways I will never fully comprehend.

Thank You God. Thank you.


Betsy said...

I have goose bumps all over...God is so good. His plan is perfect and devine. What a blessing you are to Josie...a strong spirtual example.

Amber said...

Oh, my goodness. How amazing. That really is a miracle. Thanks for sharing! :-)

bri said...

oh that brings tears to my eyes. I love that story! So amazing He truly is! Can't you just wait to see your tapestry when HE is done!

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

How amazing. What a beautiful reminder that we may not know His plans, but no doubt he has a plan, for all of us - Thank you for sharing this with us - I think I need this reminder...daily!!

The Swann's said...

Oh my goodness!!! That's absolutely awesome!!!!!!! :-) We serve such an amazing God... One who cares enough about us to give us these little treasures that He is thinking about us, although we usually don't know it until much later down the road. Wow.

The Glover Family said...

Pure providence...very cool

Anonymous said...

I too have goose bumps & tears of joy for you.

Bethany G. said...

Wow. What an amazing story - that God had that all planned out and was putting all the pieces into action!

Missy said...

ok now! you aren't supposed to make me cry while i'm at work!! Or should it be that i should not be reading stuff like this on the clock??? Anyways, i'm glad i did because this was such an encouragment to me.It is truly amazing how God works all things out. And even though we may not see the results imediately after we step in faith to know that he has already answered and is working it out is such peace.I wish i could get through those tough times with just knowing that simple truth.Thank you for sharing your life and your story....i know that it is touching many more lives than you could ever imagine. That little baby girl was a true blessing...even to those who may never meet her.

I love you guys

Kameron said...

You just made me cry!!!! I am so glad that God answers our prayers, sometimes in ways we'd never imagine. Thank you for being so candid and sharing about yourself.

Crystal said...

Wow, that gave me chills all over. How amazing and great is that? That really has me sitting in my office in awe.

I didn't know about your addiction and from what I have seen meth is a strong one. Big hugs and praise to you for beating it!

God has a great plan in store for you!

Amber said...

This is the best story and proof that God works miracles. Now you got me crying. Have fun in Arizona! We're going to miss you guys :(

Bev said...

I cried! What a great example of HIM! I hope someone is praying for me and what I so long for...

an ordinary Saffa girl said...

Your post made me cry. Wow, we serve a faithful and powerful God!!!!!

My hubby and I too have been down the road of inferlity and are now on the road to adoption... the Lord knows there's a child out there for us and we patiently await Him to bring our child to us. I write about the struggle and everyday life in my blog, like you do...

Thanks for the glimpse into your life.. I'd love to keep in touch... GOD BLESS!!! x