I'm not sure which is more accurate. Both express the self reflection I've been doing lately.
Big moves are good for that.
A clean slate in a new town where nobody knows you from Adam. A chance to totally recreate yourself. You know, if you want to.
I happen to like who I am. It's one of the biggest perks I've found of entering my 30's. I'm just not concerned with what other people think of me nearly as much as I used to be. I see myself through grace filled eyes and that's made it possible for me to see others through the same level of grace.
So when we got to Arizona, I wasn't really interested in recreating myself.
But what I did realize is that, after living in the same small town with the same group of friends for 14 years, there were certain roles I had taken on as a part of who I am that aren't necessarily true.
Back in Georgia it was a running joke (no pun intended) that I am not a runner.
Not only not a runner, but an avid opponent to any form of exercise.
I know that I'm the one that started it, and y'all, it's not a lie that I don't enjoy working out. But just because I'm not good at it and it's hard doesn't mean I have to wear that uniform. So I'm not reinventing myself, but I am taking off that label and giving myself the freedom to try something new without worrying about judgement. Without wondering what will happen if I don't stay in character.
I've been lacing up my cheap shoes and hitting the trails four times a week for a little over a month now, with Gabe as my pace car, and while I can't say I love it yet, I am proud of myself.
It feels kind of good to do something because I want to. Something unexpected.
the views make it a little easier to not die on a run
Shy, awkward, loner.
Labels that I've worn for years. I put them on myself as a way to, I don't know, protect myself. Define myself. I like clear borders and boxes that tie up nicely. And when I had no clue who I was, it felt good to be able to call myself something.
But now I know me. And I don't need any labels.
I can do anything I want to, be anyone.
And I like that.