Who I Am

Or maybe it's Who Am I.

I'm not sure which is more accurate.  Both express the self reflection I've been doing lately.

Big moves are good for that.

A clean slate in a new town where nobody knows you from Adam.  A chance to totally recreate yourself.  You know, if you want to.

I happen to like who I am.  It's one of the biggest perks I've found of entering my 30's.  I'm just not concerned with what other people think of me nearly as much as I used to be.  I see myself through grace filled eyes and that's made it possible for me to see others through the same level of grace.

So when we got to Arizona, I wasn't really interested in recreating myself.

But what I did realize is that, after living in the same small town with the same group of friends for 14 years, there were certain roles I had taken on as a part of who I am that aren't necessarily true.

Back in Georgia it was a running joke (no pun intended) that I am not a runner.

Not only not a runner, but an avid opponent to any form of exercise. 

I know that I'm the one that started it, and y'all, it's not a lie that I don't enjoy working out.  But just because I'm not good at it and it's hard doesn't mean I have to wear that uniform.  So I'm not reinventing myself, but I am taking off that label and giving myself the freedom to try something new without worrying about judgement.  Without wondering what will happen if I don't stay in character.

I've been lacing up my cheap shoes and hitting the trails four times a week for a little over a month now, with Gabe as my pace car, and while I can't say I love it yet, I am proud of myself.

It feels kind of good to do something because I want to.  Something unexpected.

the views make it a little easier to not die on a run

Shy, awkward, loner.

Labels that I've worn for years.  I put them on myself as a way to, I don't know, protect myself.  Define myself.  I like clear borders and boxes that tie up nicely.  And when I had no clue who I was, it felt good to be able to call myself something.

But now I know me.  And I don't need any labels.

I can do anything I want to, be anyone.

And I like that.