Flying Solo

I won't compare what I'm doing to being a single parent.

I'm not having to juggle work schedules and there is relief on the horizon (well, maybe a little beyond the horizon) that Andrew and I will be reunited before too long.  But being the sole adult in the house is a strange feeling.  And since this will hopefully be the only time in my life that I'm in the particular somewhat single state, I felt like it should be documented.

So how am I doing?

For the most part, better than I expected.

The parenting side is going fine.  In all honesty, Andrew's job here had gotten so nuts that most days he didn't get home until nearly bedtime anyways.  I am used to pulling the majority of the kid weight around here.  I've searched high and low and come up with a list of cheap fun that we can do whenever we get fidgety.  We have some pretty steady routines that have made our days flow smooth enough.  I knew I was overly structured for a reason.

Knowing that Andrew isn't going to be home to provide me with comic relief at the end of the day has caused me to slow down and lay off.  I'm letting them have more freedom and not rushing us around as much.  There are more, "sure, why not?"'s lately.  More playing, more rewarding excellent behavior, more snuggling up in the middle of the day because we really don't have anything else we need to do.  It's the one part of this separation that I'm hoping I can hold on to.  I like the effect that my laid back-ness is having on the house.

The kids are missing out on the usual later than normal Summer bedtimes.  I just cannot fathom extending my day by another 3 hours.  Sorry kiddos, Mama needs to veg out.

Josie has stepped up to the plate and taken it upon herself to be nicer than normal to Gabe.  He still gets pushed off when she has any friends around, but when we are home, she is playing with him so nice.  Which I appreciate more than she knows.  They have created new games and routines together that make the day so much smoother.  I'm praying this new relationship will stick around after the move.

I miss Andrew an unreal amount.

It comes in waves and, when we are busy, I can trick myself into thinking Andrew is just at work.  Up the street instead of 1900 miles away.  I miss his stories, his hugs, I even kinda miss the way he ate watermelon in bed at 11pm.  Our lives are so intertwined that not having him here at the end of the day plain out sucks.

The three hour time difference makes connecting tricky.  By the time he is up and driving to work, we are already in the throes of our morning.  Kids are up and talking and demanding and it's hard to convey how much I miss him while I'm trying to keep the kids from using all the paint (why do they decide to do these escapades as soon as you get on the phone?).  When he calls at the end of his work day, I usually am just about to go to sleep.

There's a knot in my stomach all the time.  I'm going to make the biggest countdown chain when we know our moving date.  I miss him bad.

It's hard to navigate my own emotions while working hard to keep the kids from getting overwhelmed.

Speaking of the kids, they are doing way better than I expected.

There are tears, mostly at night.  We had to quit FaceTiming at night because it made bedtime treacherous.  We are staying busy, but it will do us all so much good when we can start an actual countdown.  Every week I tell them, "This may be the week the house sells!" and they reply that I say that every week.  I guess one of these weeks, I'll be right!

One good thing about the extra time we've had here in Georgia is that we are all feeling ready to go.  We've had time to process and adjust and dream of what our new life out West will be like and we are anxious to get there.  Every time we get in the car, Gabe asks if we are going to Arizona.  Poor kid, no way is he making that trip in a vehicle!

I'm ready for this to be over.

Really, really ready.

While I can manage here and we are all holding it together pretty well, it's just a state of in between that I'm not loving.  I want to make plans and go on adventures and none of that is possible when I have no clue when we will get to go.  It's not that I don't want to be here, just that I really want to be there.

Hoping this is the week.


Michelle said...

((((Hugs)))) Love your heart and spirit of adventure! Praying!

Michele said...

As a military family who is seperated often, I completely understand your lonliness. I am sorry, I know it is hard. Sounds like you are doing great! I will pray your seperation is short!