Heart To Heart

I've spent a lot of time this week staring at Gabe.

I'm certain I've memorized every curve of his face, the pace of his breathes.  He may not have grown inside of me and we may not share one stitch of DNA, but if you try to convince me this love is any different then if we did, I'd have to call you a liar.  This love is fierce and the last 12 days watching him fight back from the depths of heart surgery has only intensified that love.

This child is like, a super hero.  I'm in awe of him.

After my brother's diagnosis, followed shortly with my Dad's, I had this shift in perspective.  

I've tried to feel each moment, find the beauty in it.  I've been so grateful for each day I'm given and just overall happy, even when there was plenty of reason to not be.

But this week, sitting next to my son whose chest is literally sewn shut, I'm seeing how infinitely amazing life is.  Breathing in and out.  Walking, talking, seeing.  I know I'm sleep deprived, but y'all, I feel like a veil was lifted and I can see the miracles in all the tiny moments.

This isn't easy.  

In fact, it sucks and is really scary most of the time.  But I'm getting to be here.  Next to Gabe.  He had another open heart surgery 3 and 1/2 years ago and laid in this bed alone.  No mother to rub his head, no father to gently lift him out of the bed.  Who asked him to take a drink for the 8 millionth time?  Who held his hand while he was poked again and again?

I hate that we weren't there for him then, but I love that I get to be from now until forever.


Jennifer said...

Isn't adoption beautiful! I've been following your blog since late 2012 when we were getting licensed to become foster parents and I longed to have a beautiful family like yours. By some miracle we got to adopt our first placement and our daughter is now 15 months old. I am so glad that Gabe is doing so well now recovering from his surgery. I have been eager to check your blog each evening to make sure he has been ok. My husbands step sister had a baby in 2012 with HLHS. Unfortunately he passed away at 17 months but seeing your Gabe always gave me hope. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me!