I'm being pulled, stretched, tested in ways I never expected.
I've felt fear in the core of my soul.
I have learned first hand that a Mother's Protective Instinct is real and unbelievably powerful.
And I've realized that our country's Foster Care System is seriously broken.
I can count on one finger the amount of times Gabriel's best interest has been pushed for.
Yup, one finger.
And that was the day they removed him from his awful living arrangements and placed him with us.
Drag him out for 4 hours right at naptime so he can sit at McDonalds with a woman he doesn't even know?
Allow a baby with a heart condition around people who smoke?
Drag this out so that, after 12 months, there's still a chance he could be pulled from the only family he's ever known and make him live with strangers in poverty for the rest of his life?
That's just the way it is.
And the amount of times it's broken my heart and crushed my will?
Well, I'd need extra fingers to count that.
His case has been hard and it's left us with one of two options for after Gabe's case ends, deal with the injustice or pull out.
And we decided to pull out.
We will advocate.
We will work to change laws.
We made our minds up to seek out private adoptions.
So why am I sitting here, heartbroken and torn over the call to take in 2 little girls?
Two innocent lives that did nothing to deserve the Hell they are about to go through.
While I'm sitting here, trying to get clairity, asking God to make His will known loud and clear, I know the answer.
Passion will always win out over what's logical.
And I'm passionate about kids in Foster Care.
Sure I hate the system.
I hate court dates and visitation.
I hate parent aids and asking permission to cut my child's hair.
But the kids?
I love them.
The broken, ridiculous, make no sense laws aren't their fault.
They are kids.
And I can't stop myself from feeling the injustice they are going through.
I can't help but take it personally.
So while I'm 95.7% sure theses adorable girls won't end up under our roof, I'm also 96.9% sure we aren't calling it quits.
Because saving our orphans is more then just something we do.
It's our passion.
Please send prayers out for these girls.
That wherever they end up, they are loved and treated with kindness. That they would be allowed to be little girls.
That someone would be passionate for them.