7.01.2010

The First Of Many

This morning I will be waking Baby V up early to send him off with a caseworker so his mother can see him.

And yes, I'm saying "mother" with a bit of sarcasm.

I have only had him for four days, but I love him like crazy. And I have a sore spot in me for the people who left him with a drug addicted grandmother for five months and, now that he has a shot at a normal life, want to take him back.

I'm struggling to think nice things.

I know I want her to fix her life. I want good things for her.

It's just hard to really want that when that may mean me saying goodbye.

Today is the first of many hard days.

He will have weekly visits with his birth parents where I will pack up his old dirty diaper bag and watch him drive out the driveway to a place I can't protect him.

It's humbling, a huge sacrafice, and not all that fun at all.

I'm going to need to spend a lot of time on my knees in prayer to fully surrender my will to His. It's hard to imagine His will not being for Baby V to be mine, but I don't have that answer yet.

We have had 5 other foster babies in our home in the past 3 years, but each of those babies were dropped off at our house with the end destination already laid out.

Josie was staying.
The boys were being adopted.
Karmen was going home.

Baby V? Totally 50/50 right now.

And that is hard.

5 comments:

Niki said...

My prayers are with you today. I can only imagine how difficult. I, like you, can only imagine that the best place for that beautiful baby is to be with you guys...in a loving, Christian home. Yet, as you have said, only God holds the end result in His Hands.

Jessica said...

We just lost an adoption of a baby girl. She isnt even due until the end of the month. It is basically the same situation as far as the drugs and no life for a baby. They (the mom and her mother)were just trying to see what they could get out of us. We still have all the things ready or her. I just cant bare to pack them away just yet.I know God has a plan but it still hurts sometimes. We are just hanging on for Him to show us!

kimmer said...

What a tough day...I wish I were closer so there may be some way I could help you through days like this. Baby V seems to fit so well into the Pope family, but as we know God is in charge of this situation. I am praying for you all with all my heart. We must go one step at a time and love him with all we have for now. Try to be calm and it's all going to work out. Patience and love will carry us all through...

Laura said...

I can't imagine how hard all this is and will be in the days to come. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!

mrskolasa said...

I've never commented before, but have been reading your blog for awhile. I am so proud of you. My husband and I recently adopted our son, Luke. We are from MN and my name is Josie :-) Small, funny world.
God is big and He has a plan. I know how hard the season of waiting can be. We'll be praying for you.