And yes, I'm saying "mother" with a bit of sarcasm.
I have only had him for four days, but I love him like crazy. And I have a sore spot in me for the people who left him with a drug addicted grandmother for five months and, now that he has a shot at a normal life, want to take him back.
I'm struggling to think nice things.
I know I want her to fix her life. I want good things for her.
It's just hard to really want that when that may mean me saying goodbye.
Today is the first of many hard days.
He will have weekly visits with his birth parents where I will pack up his old dirty diaper bag and watch him drive out the driveway to a place I can't protect him.
It's humbling, a huge sacrafice, and not all that fun at all.
I'm going to need to spend a lot of time on my knees in prayer to fully surrender my will to His. It's hard to imagine His will not being for Baby V to be mine, but I don't have that answer yet.
We have had 5 other foster babies in our home in the past 3 years, but each of those babies were dropped off at our house with the end destination already laid out.
Josie was staying.
The boys were being adopted.
Karmen was going home.
Baby V? Totally 50/50 right now.
And that is hard.