Back In The Game


Some would gather money
Along the path of life
Some would gather roses,
And rest from worldly strife.

But I would gather children
From among the thorns of sin,
I would seek a golden curl,
And a freckled, toothless grin.

For money cannot enter
In that land of endless day,
And roses that are gathered
Soon will wilt along the way.

But oh, the laughing children,
As I cross the sunset sea,
And the gates swing wide to heaven,
I can take them in with me!

~Author Unknown~

Ever since Karmen left back in April Andrew and I have debated over whether or not we would do foster care anymore.

Her case was hard and I was overwhelmed.

When Baby Fever struck me this past month, it struck hard. And to make matters worse, it struck Andrew at the same time. So we decided to start trying to get pregnant.

I was excited about the idea of being pregnant for about a day before I just didn't feel right about it.

It's a feeling that I can't explain. Especially when I see how happy and excited my pregnant friends are. For some reason I just don't get the warm fuzzy's about the whole pregnancy thing.

Which lead me to tell Andrew that I don't want to try to conceive right now. He confirmed my feeling by telling me he felt the same thing.

When Karmen left we put our home in "hold" status with DFACS. We needed to pray and talk about fostering and adopting. We needed to evaluate whether or not Josie was ready or able to understand babies coming and going.

I had a hard time bonding with Karmen. I wasn't sure if it was because I knew she wasn't staying or because I didn't want to short change Josie or if I just wasn't a good foster mom. But after thinking about it for the past three months, I decided it was because we never made her a part of the family.

She never got a room set up. Her clothes stayed in boxes. We reminded everyone that she wasn't staying.

So our plan is to redo our guest room to be a guest room/nursery. We're getting a new bed with a trundle so that the crib will fit. I am emptying out the closets so they are ready for baby clothes. And whenever the next baby comes, we are going to live as if they are with us forever and treat them like they are a part of the family. Even if it's just for a little while.

Today we will call our caseworker and take our home off of hold. And then pray for strength for whatever comes next.


JStantonChandler said...

A very moving post. Thank you for sharing this. I love the poem by the way. I think foster parents and adoptive parents are the best. You take in those who have no one, and sometimes, those no one else wants.

I understand being turned off by pregnancy. I don't think it's for everyone. It's not for me. But that doesn't mean I can't share love. I have six neices and nephews and right now, that's enough!

My thoughts and prayers are with you guys!


Amber said...

I know we talked about it last night, but I think that is why y'all had a hard time getting close to Karmen. I think y'all make great foster parents! The extra room is definitely going to help. I'll come help you when you get ready to redo it. We're here for whatever y'all need!

Kameron said...

It must be difficult when you actor in Josie to the equation. It is hard for them to understand a nother child or baby coming in to the home and then leaving. I hope you guys have a smooth transition if you get another one in soon.

The Swann's said...

I'll be praying for you and Andrew!