Back In The Game

I WOULD GATHER CHILDREN

Some would gather money

Along the path of life

Some would gather roses,
And rest from worldly strife.

But I would gather children

From among the thorns of sin,

I would seek a golden curl,

And a freckled, toothless grin.

For money cannot enter

In that land of endless day,

And roses that are gathered

Soon will wilt along the way.

But oh, the laughing children,

As I cross the sunset sea,

And the gates swing wide to heaven,

I can take them in with me!

~Author Unknown~

Ever since Karmen left back in April Andrew and I have debated over whether or not we would do foster care anymore.

Her case was hard and I was overwhelmed.

When Baby Fever struck me this past month, it struck hard. And to make matters worse, it struck Andrew at the same time. So we decided to start trying to get pregnant.

I was excited about the idea of being pregnant for about a day before I just didn't feel right about it.

It's a feeling that I can't explain. Especially when I see how happy and excited my pregnant friends are. For some reason I just don't get the warm fuzzy's about the whole pregnancy thing.

Which lead me to tell Andrew that I don't want to try to conceive right now. He confirmed my feeling by telling me he felt the same thing.

When Karmen left we put our home in "hold" status with DFACS. We needed to pray and talk about fostering and adopting. We needed to evaluate whether or not Josie was ready or able to understand babies coming and going.

I had a hard time bonding with Karmen. I wasn't sure if it was because I knew she wasn't staying or because I didn't want to short change Josie or if I just wasn't a good foster mom. But after thinking about it for the past three months, I decided it was because we never made her a part of the family.

She never got a room set up. Her clothes stayed in boxes. We reminded everyone that she wasn't staying.

So our plan is to redo our guest room to be a guest room/nursery. We're getting a new bed with a trundle so that the crib will fit. I am emptying out the closets so they are ready for baby clothes. And whenever the next baby comes, we are going to live as if they are with us forever and treat them like they are a part of the family. Even if it's just for a little while.

Today we will call our caseworker and take our home off of hold. And then pray for strength for whatever comes next.