An Empty Car Seat

Karmen went home today.
I knew she wasn't staying, but dropping her off was still really hard.
She screamed as I handed her over.
She reached out for me when I started walking away.

And I cried.

The most common response that I get when people find out we are foster parents is, "I wish I could do that, but how on Earth do you ever let them go?"

The truth is, you don't.
Ever.

Each kid that comes through our doors changes a piece of me.
Their names are etched on my heart.
Hayden, Jayden, Preston, Josie, and now, Karmen.

I will always wonder about them. I will always look for them when I'm out. I will pray for them for the rest of my life.

And I will hope that they remember me.

I will hope that I made some kind of difference.

I made Andrew take her car seat out of my car as soon as I got home. It just felt weird to see it empty.

I know that someday another sweet spirit will sit in that same chair.

I am not sure if she went back to her aunts or if she is going to a temporary home in the county the aunt lives in. Either way, she is on her way to being brought back home.

And for the record, I never ever ever have had any regrets over any of the babies we have had with us.
A few tears on my behalf is nothing compared to the feeling of giving a child a little stability in an otherwise crazy existence.