I know it wasn't me doing an evil villan laugh under my breath as Josie ate the pasta with hidden broccoli in it. I mean, she's a baby. There's no reason for me to get all excited about pulling a fast one on her!
Getting a Christmas Card worthy picture of the three of us was in no way like torture. It never once crossed my mind to just send out the bloopers and let the World see what the Pope's are really like!
I am pretty sure that it wasn't my 21 month old who walked around talking on her Tinkerbell phone like a little adult last Monday. And I know she didn't hold her hand up at us when we asked who she was talking to. We have many years before that kind of attitude kicks in. Right? Right?!?!
There is no way it was me who looked down 1/2 way through my work day to notice that one of the buttons on my shirt had popped open. If that had happened, I know it wasn't the button right over my girly parts. I never wear clothes that are too small and I never expose myself at work. (Luckily, it IS me who always wears a tank top under my clothes or that could have been REALLY embarassing!)
After having yet another shirt feel a bit "snug" and short in the arms, I did not start to wonder if I was getting bigger or if my clothes were getting smaller?!? Surely all the Starbucks, Peanut M&M's, and Yummy Waffle House aren't catching up with my super speedy metabolism.
It is not me who is in desperate need of a haircut. I always get my hair trimmed every 6 - 8 weeks just like the salon lady tells me to. At no point this week did I consider chopping it off myself to end the string of bad hair days I've been having. (does anyone else ever feel like they have a limp, dead animal on their head where their gorgeous full hair used to be?!?)
Even though Josie is the cutest little girl in my whole world, I am in no way, shocked, surprised, appauled, or dumbstruck as to why I have not received my call from Baby Gap informing me that Josie is a finalist in their Baby Model Search. I'm not convinced that they will still call before the December 7th announcement of the finalist. I have no secret desires of winning the $5000 gift card! (I could do some serious damage to Gap's clearance rack with that!)
After sulking away Thanksgiving morning feeling sorry for myself that my family was miles and miles away, I know it wasn't me who got the bright idea that I should make our little family a Thansgiving meal. I mean, who decides that at noon on Thanksgiving?!?
After not waking Josie up from her nap to go to, I mean, not go to, Walmart I did not realize that all the turkeys were frozen. If the turkeys had been frozen, I know I didn't decide that the $3 Jennie-O "turkey" was probably the same thing. I surely didn't hold my breath as I watched Andrew choke it down so that my already fragile family-less heart wouldn't break at my failure. He's such a good husband!
I didn't actually cry as I watched Josie laugh, squeal, and dance to the parade on TV. (Hey, I told you I'm an emotional wreck around the holidays!)
Getting a Christmas Card worthy picture of the three of us was in no way like torture. It never once crossed my mind to just send out the bloopers and let the World see what the Pope's are really like!
I am pretty sure that it wasn't my 21 month old who walked around talking on her Tinkerbell phone like a little adult last Monday. And I know she didn't hold her hand up at us when we asked who she was talking to. We have many years before that kind of attitude kicks in. Right? Right?!?!
There is no way it was me who looked down 1/2 way through my work day to notice that one of the buttons on my shirt had popped open. If that had happened, I know it wasn't the button right over my girly parts. I never wear clothes that are too small and I never expose myself at work. (Luckily, it IS me who always wears a tank top under my clothes or that could have been REALLY embarassing!)
After having yet another shirt feel a bit "snug" and short in the arms, I did not start to wonder if I was getting bigger or if my clothes were getting smaller?!? Surely all the Starbucks, Peanut M&M's, and Yummy Waffle House aren't catching up with my super speedy metabolism.
It is not me who is in desperate need of a haircut. I always get my hair trimmed every 6 - 8 weeks just like the salon lady tells me to. At no point this week did I consider chopping it off myself to end the string of bad hair days I've been having. (does anyone else ever feel like they have a limp, dead animal on their head where their gorgeous full hair used to be?!?)
Even though Josie is the cutest little girl in my whole world, I am in no way, shocked, surprised, appauled, or dumbstruck as to why I have not received my call from Baby Gap informing me that Josie is a finalist in their Baby Model Search. I'm not convinced that they will still call before the December 7th announcement of the finalist. I have no secret desires of winning the $5000 gift card! (I could do some serious damage to Gap's clearance rack with that!)
After sulking away Thanksgiving morning feeling sorry for myself that my family was miles and miles away, I know it wasn't me who got the bright idea that I should make our little family a Thansgiving meal. I mean, who decides that at noon on Thanksgiving?!?
After not waking Josie up from her nap to go to, I mean, not go to, Walmart I did not realize that all the turkeys were frozen. If the turkeys had been frozen, I know I didn't decide that the $3 Jennie-O "turkey" was probably the same thing. I surely didn't hold my breath as I watched Andrew choke it down so that my already fragile family-less heart wouldn't break at my failure. He's such a good husband!
I didn't actually cry as I watched Josie laugh, squeal, and dance to the parade on TV. (Hey, I told you I'm an emotional wreck around the holidays!)
It surely isn't me who is really really glad my boss is out sick today. After all, it's not like I have about 4 blog entries to write! (come on, don't you wanna come back and read them?!?)
6 comments:
Love your brutal and therefore funny honesty! Great list and Happy Monday!
HAPPY MONDAY!!
HAAAAAAAA We entered the Gap contest too! Of course, we did last year too....oh well.
Josie is adorable, I'm sure you'll get that call from GAP!
Oh, and I am also NOT in any way, shocked, surprised, appauled, or dumbstruck that we haven't gotten that same call from Baby Gap. Where do they find the kids they end up picking?
I entered for the 4yr old category and they so didn't call me either. Must have been a mix up right?
reading this one made me think: "pregnant" don't know what came over me... :)
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