11.28.2008

Holiday Love Hate

The holiday season has officially begun and I'm really not all that excited about it. I really have a true Love-Hate relationship with it.
I love the lights, the cheer, the colors, the decorations, the fires, the cocoa, the cookies, the gifts, and of course the reason for the season. And this year is sure to be an exciting Christmas now that Josie is old enough to really experience it all. But this is also the one time of the year that I fight back serious feelings of loneliness.
This is the one time of year that there is no denying the fact that I don't live near my family.
I love my life. All parts of it. And it seems to get better and better every year. So I'm not quite sure where these feelings come from. Really, the choice to stay here in Georgia was the right one. After all, who wants to live in a place that sees temperatures below 0 degrees?!?
But 7 years ago, I had 3 options; Florida with my Dad, Minnesota with my Mom, or Georgia with the love of my life. No matter what I chose, I lost. So I did what I always have done and kept the peace. I made sure each parent knew that they are immensely loved equally and I stayed in Georgia.
There have been periods in our life where we had the opportunity to move to be near one side of my family. But that was the problem. I would never be able to chose which side of the family to move to. I guess that's the child of divorce in me coming out.
Since then, Andrew and I have made a great life, great memories, and great friends.
But at this time of year I find myself craving time with my family. I'm jealous of everyone getting together in Minnesota and I miss watching the game with my Dad.
So to all of you in chilly Minnesota and my all time favorite Swamp Family, please know that I love you and I miss you. And while I am completely happy with where I live, my heart will forever be torn. While one piece will be sunbathing 400 miles south, another piece will be wearing a sweater 1200 miles north.
Love Love Love

3 comments:

The Glover Family said...

I'm looking for a new job and this is a major factor for us. I can't imagine tearing the boys away from our parents now that they have been around them and visca versa.

We feel for you and we will pray for lots of financial blessing so you can visit them often!

Cunz Family said...

WOW! I couldnt have said it better myself!

Amber said...

I completely understand. I think it is what comes from being a divorced child. I had the choice to go to Nashville with my mom when she remarried, but I chose not to so I could stay near David. I do miss spending the holidays with my mom. Thanksgiving night I just called and cried to her all night about how much I missed her. Though my dad is here, on the holidays I feel guilty if I don't spend it with him and then feel guilty because I spent it with him and not my mom. And then throw in David's family. I completely understand and feel for you.