We Almost Weren't

Andrew and I never went on a honeymoon.

Our wedding, the entire thing, cost us under $300.  We were young college kids living off our parent's generosity.  Convinced we were ready to take on The World, not really knowing what The World even was.

I loved our wedding.

The little tea dress I wore, the homemade cake where I ran out of frosting so the back was just barely covered.  The dinner at an all you can eat fried chicken joint and backyard reception with just our family.

I was never jealous of the elaborate weddings that so many of our friends had, but the honeymoons?  I was a little jealous of that.  It was always on our To Do List.

We'll go after graduation.

We'll go on our 5 year anniversary.

Let's for sure go at 10 years.

This past year has, without question, been the most difficult of our 15 years together.  

The blazing fires we walked through, separately and together, almost did us in.  We had conversations that I never imagined us having.  We felt emotions I didn't know existed.  And after tearing down this whole thing, this entire life we had built, we walked out the other side hand in hand with a brand new relationship that is honest and true.  We know it all.  Nothing is off limits.  There's no keeping quiet to avoid conflict and no pretending something doesn't bother us when it really, really does.

It's a weird feeling to look at someone you've slept next to for 13 (ok, 14) years and feel like they are brand new.  To know that you almost weren't.

But we are.

And we finally got around to taking that honeymoon.

We spent a week in San Diego.

Eating and laughing and lounging in cabanas where they brought us every fruity drink with an umbrella.  I wish I had words to say how great it was other than saying it was perfect, but that's the only word I'm coming up with.

Andrew planned every detail.  He said over and over that he wanted me to feel loved.  And I did.  So loved.  So well taken care of.  He planned the things he knew I would like, even if they weren't his favorites.  And we learned that we have switched places in our vacation style.  He is now the lounger and I am the "let's go out try something new!".

Marriage is hard guys.

Two people growing up and changing and life throwing you nasty curveballs.  You have to stay on your toes and keep at it.  Even with the hard parts, I loved nearly every minute of our first 13 years of marriage.

And I'm really looking forward to the next 13.

We ended our trip by driving back to Arizona and staying at a resort close to home so that these party animals could come celebrate with us.

I look at these little people with new eyes now.

We didn't stay together for the kids.  In fact, we were both very adamant from the start that if that was our only reason, we wouldn't.  During all those 3 AM conversations, we discovered that there were 4 million other reasons.

But they were on the list.

The thought of this picture only having one of us in it breaks my heart.  I'm thankful.

Really, really thankful.


The mom of 4 monkeys! said...

Could you imagine if you just gave up? My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have four kids. Life is hard, marriage is hard, fighting is hard. The first 12 years I never even second guessed my husband and I ever being apart. We have never actually mentioned the "d" word but have skirted around it. Not really but really. I think you get that. We still have A LOT of fight in us for us thankfully. It's encouraging to read your post.

Michele said...

Beautiful, heartfelt post. I am so glad you were able to finally go on that honeymoon! We keep talking about a second honeymoon, as ours was quick due to the military, but I am still waiting! ;) Love the ring!!

Miamihoney said...

Congrats! Glad you got to go on a honeymoon- you guys look very happy. All the best!

Anonymous said...

Your honesty is amazing. Wishing you both love and harmony forever!