Finding Thanksgiving

A few weeks ago, I planned a pretty typical Thanksgiving post.

I was going to share pictures of our first homemade Thanksgiving at the new house, list out all the blessing this year has brought me.  Type words that flew from a thankful heart.

But I can't write that post.

My entire world has shifted in the past few weeks.

Some of my blessings weren't what I thought they were.  Our little family, that's had such a great year to those outside looking in, is facing some hurdles I didn't see coming.  People I thought of as friends, were anything but.  My brother died and I'm struggling with trying to find my feet in a world where there's a God that takes people like him.

And I know all the catchphrases that follow someone saying that.  Really, I do.  But it turns out when it's your heart that's broken, that all sounds like a whole lot of made up junk.

This year has been hard.

Gabe's surgery, our cross country move, my brother dying.  It's a lot to fit into 10 months and I'm reeling from the resounding vibrations of it all.

What I'm thankful for today isn't the same list that I thought I'd be thankful for.

1) Family
2) Each tomorrow being a new day

It's short and sweet and covers it all.


Anonymous said...

((hug)) there are no words. so much love to you and you family <3

Nicole Walter said...

Sending lots of prayers, healing, and comfort to you and your family!! It looks like despite the trials God has put in your path the last 10 months you have made the best of it and still hosted Thanksgiving. That is a hurdle in itself when your greiving the loss of a loved one.

I lost my mother after a year and a half hard health battle a few years ago. The pain never goes away no matter what anyone says, but it eventually doesn't hurt quite so much. The only thing that gets you through is knowing that they are no longer in pain. If you ever need/want to talk feel free to email me.

Sweet Tea said...

You are loved by many and they (including me) will sustain you with their prayers till you are able to bear the weight of your load. That's what friends do for friends.

Nicole T said...

Oh, Nicole ... Praying for healing.

Dawn Rebekah said...

Grief is so hard to get through. Praying for you all.
Blessings, Dawn

Robin Seifert said...

Thinking of you. I am so sad that you and your family are experiencing this pain. Just remember we love you and I am sending love and good vibes your way Honey. See you in a couple days.

Anonymous said...

So sorry for the loss of your brother. Prayers.

Michele said...

Oh Nicole, I was shocked to read your post. I am so terribly sorry about the loss of your brother and your grieving heart. I am praying for God to wrap His arms around you and help you find healing and love there. Covering you in prayer as you process!

Traci Hutton said...

So very sorry for the loss of your brother, he seems like an amazing person. May you find comfort in your memories...prayers.

Jessica said...

I am a sometime reader. I am often busy and forget to take a look at what you've got going on. I haven't read you in months, maybe closer to a year. I was on the AOL homepage tonight and saw an article about a man who wrote that he was SpiderMan in his obituary. I smiled and thought, "how awesome!" As I found myself procrastinating instead of going to bed, you popped into my mind. I was sad to read your post about your brother but happy to see that all is well with Gabe. I used your link to read about your brother and, as you already know, realized he was the same man I had just read about on AOL only minutes before!!!
I'm not sure what this kind of crazy fate/coincidence means but I felt the need to let you know that it happened. I think it's nothing short of "amazing" :)

Mo said...

I'm so, so sorry. Praying for you and your family.

Kym Thorpe said...

(((((hugs)))))) I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Praying for you and your family.

Meredith said...

Hi Nicole,

I don't usually leave comments on the blogs I read - but today I just had to.
First - hugs to you and your family. I have enjoyed getting to virtually know you during the last year or so. I think I stumbled upon "Journey to Josie" sometime during one of Gabe's hospitalizations.

Second - it was many months ago when my 30 yr. old son started telling me about a guy on his soccer team. He had a seizure one night at the field and Christopher (being a first responder) helped get him and his wife to the hospital. Later he told me about his friend's brain cancer. Yes, my son's friend is your brother. I have heard so many good things about him and his wife and son.

Third - my cousin in California put a post on FB about HIS cousin (on the other side of the family)- he put up a link to his wife's blog - myhusbands tumor.

I thought it was quite a coincidence that my cousin (David Hatch) was related to a guy my son plays soccer with, but imagine my surprise when you shared that you were going home to be with your brother and family during the end of his illness and realize that it is the same Aaron that my cousin and my son have been telling me about.

Long story - but the connections are quite amazing.

My heart aches for you and your family - you have all been in my prayers.

Peace to you during this Advent and Christmas season.


ps. Last night my son showed me a video about Aaron and his wife. The back of Christopher's head is in the clip of the soccer game.

Such a small world.