Stiiiillll Here

Today is the first day I'm feeling battle weary.

I'm sick of beeping machines, measuring fluids, and, gasp, sick of wearing leggings.

Even the Starbucks in the lobby has lost it's appeal.  Turns out you can have too many lattes.

I know, I know.  In the grand scheme of things, we've only been here for 8 days.  And that's just a drop in the bucket.  But those 8 days have been the saddest, most stressful, longest days of my life.  Even when I'm resting, I don't feel like I'm resting.  One eye open to be sure he's doesn't need me.

I've had to stay away from Facebook.  It makes me sad to see all that we are missing out on.  Status updates tell me it's nice outside, perfect weather for the park.  But we are stuck inside.  And even if there was a park, sliding with tubes and heart monitors doesn't sound like much fun.

Gabe is being a trooper, but is over it as well.

He lays in bed and watches videos of him and Josie over and over.  "Do you miss her?"  

"Her is my very best fwend."

I miss her too.

A lot.

We have been FaceTiming every night and they send me pictures during the day.  She is having so much fun.  This is the kind of trip I've been hoping she would get to go on.  Getting to know my family without me right there.  My Mom said she has been excellent and sweet.  So brave.  She's getting to spend the night with my Aunt Suzy tonight and I can't wait to hear about the fun they have.

I also can't wait to wrap my arms around her.

Look!  It's a picture of Gabe not in the bed or a wagon!  And he's bathed!

I don't want to cry in front of Gabe.  I don't want to cry at all.  So I don't.  I know if I let myself start, I may never stop.

Medically, not much happened today.

Gabe had a bad reaction to the morphine last night.  He hadn't had any pain meds since Monday, but the walking yesterday had him hurting pretty bad.  We decided to give him a dose to help him sleep.  20 minutes later he was screaming, trying to stand up in bed and scratch his scab off, pulling at the chest tube.  His eyes were wide open, but I know he wasn't awake.  I had to hold him down until he drifted back off.  He did that a few times before finally settling into a deep sleep.

He cried during the night therapies and labs and X-ray, but was able to go back to sleep quickly.  We both feel back asleep around 5 and slept until 9, him cradled in my arms.  It was awesome.

The doctor came around and let us know that his output had doubled.  So no tube out today.  It's good, really, because any remaining fluid could cause issues.  Still sucks because that puts us here through at least Sunday.

I did finally give Gabe a really good sponge bath.  With all that puking he's been doing, I'm sure you can imagine he wasn't smelling his freshest.  I changed all his monitor leads and got as much sticky glue off as I could.  It felt good to do something normal like give him a bath.  Even if it was sitting in the bed.

Nana and Jeneal came to visit.  They sat with Gabe while I went and sat by myself for a little bit.  It was nice, but being alone right now isn't really my favorite so I was quick to head back up and visit with them.

Gabe only threw up once today.

It wasn't anywhere near a med time and since last night's wasn't either, we are leaning more toward the tube being very uncomfortable and causing him to throw up.  I also think that is why he doesn't want to walk.  I'm hoping that when the tube is out, he will be back to driving me crazy very quickly.  Never thought I'd miss him bouncing around and talking nonstop.

The discomfort is also making him super grumpy.  I can't blame him.  I imagine I'd be no fun if I had half the stuff going on that he does.  It's hard because he is normally so sweet.  I don't want the nurses to think he's a brat.

The gardens are closed this weekend for maintenance, so we've been sneaking out the side door to get some fresh air.  Gabe usually doesn't want to leave the room, but once he's out he is much more spirited.

He's hurting tonight, but I'm not doing the morphine again.  I did get him to take Motrin without throwing up so I'm hoping that's enough to take the edge off.

And just because I need to remind myself that every single day is a day closer to us walking out of here, here's a side by side of what he looked like last Friday and what he looks like today.  8 days is a long time to be in the hospital, but he is 8 days stronger then before.


Butterfly Wishes Wonderland Dreams said...

Hugs and Prayers. Thinking of you guys through out the day.

Cristi said...

If you feel like crying, I'd recommend finding a shower. Hospital showers never run out of hot water so you'll have plenty of time to get all the tears out and then recover before going back to hospital reality. Just sayin'.

Hang in there. You're an awesome mom!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! You are SO close to going home!! Praying it will be soon. Many blessings to you and your family. Melissa

Anonymous said...

Im new to your site. I so admire your family and your strength. If you look at those side by side pictures he actually looks older now.... and stronger:) Stay strong and take care of yourself too.
A new follower

kimmer said...

Just look at this! Gabriel has been through so much this past week...he really is an AMAZING little boy! His sister misses him A LOT and misses her mommy and daddy too, very much! Soon you will all be together again and Gabe will be stronger than EVER!!! Soon!

Michele said...

Stilllll praying! ;) Love seeing a few more smiles. Yuu can do this- but go cry if you need to. You all have been through a traumatic experience and sometimes it helps just to get it out of your system! Hugs for your weekend!