Love Is Patient

God and I have been having a lot of heart to hearts lately.

He is calling me to go deeper into myself and clean house.  I'll be 30 this year and for some reason that's making me feel like it's time to put away childish things.

Yea, the husband, two kids, and mortgage didn't quite do it for me but entering my third decade sure is.

God has been revealing areas of my life that could use some work for the past few years and I've been quick to listen.

I've tried to be keenly aware of my response to Him and, although I still have a lot of mess ups, I'm aware that I'm doing it and feel repentant almost immediately.

In the past all of these calls to change have been minor.

Quit gossiping.  That's not your concern.  Have more faith.

This time he is challenging my mothering.  And it's a little brutal.

I read a great post from Ann Voskamp (Click here to read it.  It's good.) and half way through I knew it was written for me.

It's easy to portray a calm demeanor here on the internet.

Don't read that wrong.  I'm not dishonest.  I share my heart and daily life with you all without holding much back.  Our life is good.  I adore my husband, I fawn over my babies.  Being domestic comes easy for me and I get intense joy over a well lived day.

But can I be honest and say there are days, many days, that I lose it?

I scold too quickly.  I say no to things that don't matter.  Sometimes I cringe when I hear the pitter patter of little feet too early in the morning.

There are days that I crave time alone.  That my eyebrows stay furrowed and I demand they please just go somewhere else.

Ann's post hit me hard.

I read it while I was at my Mom's house and immediately wanted to change.

Love is patient first.

Before any of the other loving qualities that make love love, it's patient.

And all of my angry moments stem from the simple fact that I am not patient.

But if love is patient and I can't show a shred of patience to my children, what does that say about me?

I've been trying to pay attention to what sparks my moments of impatience and in every instance it came on when I was distracted.  

Absorbed in some other task when a child came to me and was sent away with a harsh response.

I work from home and some distractions are unavoidable, but my constant phone checking?  Blogging while they need me?  Busy work that never ends?  That's all within my control.

(you were right Mom, it was effecting them.)

I know that I love them with every fiber of who I am.  But if that isn't being conveyed to them it doesn't really mean anything.  So I've been praying for God to please give me an extra few seconds each moment to breathe and choose to be patient.  To help me be thankful for each moment, even the ones that are long and never-ending.

I know it's a continuous process, but it's working.

Like Ann said, "The Spirit soothes, strokes the frayed edges: “Love is patient.”

A day after I read Ann's post, our church announced the next round of small groups starting up.  And wouldn't you know there was one for mom's.  A group designed to share struggles and support each other in the quest to be more Godly in our mothering.  We meet Wednesday for the first time and I know that this group of women is what I need.

 That and more prayer.  A lot more prayer.

*Pictures from our awesome family adventure day at Calloway Gardens.  It was awesome.  

And this happened: