2.24.2011

What Happened To February???

This month has been busy.

We've had major things going on multiple times every week.

It's not by accident though.

I planned it this way.

Because nothing makes a drab month drag on longer then anticipating something big at the end of it.

And not only does our little family have some super fun stuff at the beginning of March, it's also when we have Gabe's big court date.

March 3rd.

It's been looming over me for three months now.

And my nerves have had about all they can stand.

So rather then sit around and wait for that Thursday to take it's sweet time getting here, I jam packed our days as full as I could.

And I guess it worked because I just looked at my calendar and we're one week out.

And now I want to go back and get some more days between me and the Judges decsion.

I'm almost fully confident (like that twinge of doubt?!) that Gabe will not be making any immediate moves.  But my heart is just as scared of the Judge adding 3 more months on as it is of him leaving.

I want this to be done.

Over.

Finished.

Final.

I'm over the twice a week visits.

I'm over his name being fake.

I'm over telling Doctors I'm his "Foster Mom."

I'm more then over sharing him.

I'm sick of marking court dates on my calendar.

And I'm tired of the control his Birth Mother still possesses.

I hate the opptomisim in the Case Workers voice about her "progress."

And I'm done pretending like I think she is capible of caring for him.

7 Days.

I keep reminding myself that she hasn't made the least bit of progress in the Case Plan.

She's moved 3 times in 3 months, she has no job, no support.

Birth Dad is in prison.

My head says there's no way a Judge would send him from us to that.

But my heart knows they send kids back to worse.

So please pray for me these next 7 days.

I want to walk into that court room full of the kind of peace that only comes from my Heavenly Daddy.

I want to walk in confident and sure.

And I want to walk out with a TPR in my hands.

Here's to hoping this week goes by quickly.

But not too quickly.

Or maybe yes.

9 comments:

The Nyquists said...

I don't know if it is my pregnancy hormones or the fact that I have a sweet boy not much younger than your precious Gabe, but these posts bring me to tears everytime I read them. My heart is with you over this time and hoping that this little boy gets the life he deserves with his loving Mommy, Daddy and big sister!!! Your strength amazes me :) keep it up!!!

Amy said...

Never thought when you were sitting in the hospital room that two years from then you would be sitting in a court room waiting for your child to be born into your family :) Peace. Strength. Confidence. Love

Love you!

Stacey said...

March 3rd is a big day for us too. We are also going to court to finalize our sons adoption. Good luck! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Kaia said...

Praying for you all and praying that God will help the judges with the best interest of Gabe!

Steph said...

I feel anxious and nervous for you and we have never met! I can not begin to imagine the range of emotions that your family must be feeling. I will be keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. Gabe is so lucky to be loved by you!

MyLinda said...

Boy have I worn those shoes and walked the mile...a few times :( I'm praying for peace for you and your family and for the best possible outcome for Gabe! ((HUGS))

Laura said...

I feel your pain and will be praying for you and your family, and most of all for Gabe!!

This post hits home to me in a way I definitely shouldn't discuss online. Yet. I truly feel for what you're going through and your ultimate terror that this amazing kid you love so much won't be safe. I hope Gabe's story will be returning to a home that is truly loving, safe, and full of opportunity.

Pipsylou said...

Too similar, the feelings I feel. Our court date is tomorrow. Ugh!

Crystal said...

Nicole, I am still praying for all of you. I pray that Gabe is able to come home to a family that loves him no matter what decision the judge makes but I know the best decision is for him to become a Pope! I can't imagine falling in love with this little boy while all the while it is in the back of your brain that he may not get to be with you always. You have amazing strength for being able to make it this far! Just know that you will have many people praying you on Thursday!