Putting On My Armour

Yesterday Gabe had a Cardiologist appointment which meant I had the joy of spending time with his Birth Mother.

In the past, I haven't minded being around her.  But that was when I was under the impression she was attempting to get her life back together.

I know that isn't the case now.

I'm trying to have an ounce of compassion for her, but Lord, it's hard. 

I just flat out don't like her.

I hate hearing her call herself Mama.  I hate seeing her kiss him.  I don't like her holding him.

And when the Caseworker called me on the way to the appointment to see if Birth Mom could ride home with me to "finish up the visit" I lost my ever loving mind.

My answer was a very strong, in the negative.

Professional?  No.

But Motherhood isn't always professional.

That phone call put me in a seriously rotten mood.

I spent the 90 minute drive alternating between crying and wanting to shove something through a window.

I knew that, in my current condition, I was in no way going to make it through the appointment.

So I sent out a call to my Prayer Warriors:




And they must have. 

About 15 minutes from the office I felt a voice telling me to, "Put on your Armour.  This is a battle."

And it is.

A battle for my sanity.  For my heart.  For my Son's future.

Gabe needed me to be the steady Mom that he spends his days with.

So I put on my Armour.

I wrapped my Belt of Truth around my waist to keep me grounded.
That God is working all things together for my good.

I threw my Breastplate of Righteousness over my shoulders.
I am accountable to God for how I react to every situation.

I laced up my Shoes of Peace.
Because a harsh word will get me nowhere.

I held up my Shield of Faith
And Lord do I need faith to be in a room with her and not lose it.

I buckled my Helmet of Salvation under my chin.
A constant reminder of Who's I am and what Kingdom I live in.

And I carried my Sword of the Spirit.
AKA My Bodyguard and Tongue Holder.

Because this battle is not a battle of flesh and blood between me and DFACS or me and Birth Mom.  It's a battle being fought in the Heavenlies.

I ended up using my Armour the entire time. 

And not to throw my Helmet at them. 

Not that that thought ever crossed my mind.

The appointment ended up being relatively painless.  But I am emotionally drained from restraining myself. 

I love when God's Word becomes practical to me.

I had to laugh on the way home.  I know that He is working all things out for MY good.

For Gabe's good.

And that is something I can rest in.



My name is Kristen! said...

I've been "blog stalking" you for awhile now, guess i should say HELLO. I came across your blog through a friend who knows (or knew) your husband. I knew of your husband through some friends way back in the day...anyways. GREAT blog. I love to read about your days. You have beautiful children, and today's post was extra spectacular. I just wanted you to know your words encouraged me today. : )

Kameron said...

I would have such a hard time with this too. I am very vocal, especially when it is about something I nbelieve so strongly in.Good job taking the high road. It will probably help you in the event that you get to adopt him.

~Nanny~ said...

I don't leave comments very often but I do want you to know that your post encourage me and that I pray for you and your family often:)