tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76362279137661771942024-02-19T02:41:44.853-05:00Journey To JosieWife, Mom, Homeschooler, Life Lover.Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.comBlogger1999125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-36298155972798044132016-08-26T16:11:00.000-04:002016-08-26T16:11:00.167-04:00First Day of School - 4th and 1st<br />
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Josie</div>
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4th Grade</div>
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9 years old</div>
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Wants to work at PetSmart</div>
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Gabe</div>
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1st Grade</div>
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6 years old</div>
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Wants to be a police officer</div>
<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-52553540006583362192016-08-25T16:08:00.001-04:002016-08-25T16:25:56.662-04:00307 Day Review<span style="font-size: large;">Well, hi there.</span><br />
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It's been awhile. Like 307 days kind of awhile.<br />
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I was thisclose to shutting this space down. I felt like it was just time to totally let it go. Print it out and hold all these memories in my hands.<br />
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But when I started going through the last 9 years of posts, trying to whittle it down to a manageable amount, I just missed it. I miss talking to you. Which is really just me talking to me, but written out so I can read it later and remember what it was I was feeling.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And man, so much fun stuff happened in the past year and there are no posts about it! </span><br />
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Can I just post it all now, a whole 307 days in this one post?<br />
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No. Don't worry, I wouldn't do that to you.<br />
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And I don't know. <br />
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Maybe I'll get back to writing. I mean, who am I to keep all these riveting thoughts to myself? Or maybe I'll just pop in and store pictures here for the kids to one day look back on and see how cool their Mom was <i>(I'm looking at you Josie)</i>.<br />
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I've never, ever been good at reconnecting after a break from talking to someone. I just don't do well with small talk. So here's what happened in the last year and we'll just move right along from there. Sound good?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We've had an awesome year.</span><br />
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After 2014 brought us every tragedy and heartbreak we could handle, 2015 gave us restoration. It was like one long, really deep breathe. I took the year and lived it, every second of it. Even the pre-teen hormone filled ones that I wasn't sure both my daughter and I could survive. <br />
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It felt good. To just be. To find me again and shed off the labels I'd attached to who I thought I was supposed to be.<br />
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We went on trips and hosted visitors and my kids are real life people now. My company has also grown into a real thing that I am beyond proud of. Andrew has mastered the Desert Waffle Business and we survived another Summer. Gabe finished Kindergarten and Josie made it through 3rd grade. Andrew and I went to Vegas then we celebrated 14 years of marriage. Man, we are old! Josie played volleyball, Gabe played baseball. We've made friends and are feeling very much at home here now. <br />
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-14424869149045739202015-10-22T14:39:00.000-04:002015-10-22T14:39:00.579-04:00Cardiologist UpdateIt's been two months since we took Gabe off his Carvedilol.<br />
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<i><b>Warning: Extremely Basic Explanation of why Gabe was on this medication:</b></i><br />
<i><br />
When the heart pumps, it squeezes all the way and pushes all the blood out. Gabe's was only strong enough to squeeze a little bit and couldn't get all the blood out so it pumped double (more like triple) time to get enough blood out to keep his body going. This was a smart solution for his little body, but would end up wearing the heart muscle out very quickly as he grew, thus landing him on the transplant list.</i><br />
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He had been on this medication for a couple of years. <br />
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Some of you may remember that back in 2012, we were told Gabe wasn't a candidate for the Fontan surgery and would have to go on the transplant list for any chance of survival. Then the doctor decided to try this medication and, while we aren't sure if it was the medication or just his heart getting stronger, he became a candidate for the surgery and the rest is history.<br />
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Since the Fontan surgery, he's done awesome.<br />
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Like for real. You would never ever know he has half a heart if you didn't know. His new cardiologist is blown away every time we see him. Which is why we have been slowly weaning him off medications. Many of these pills may very well have been needed pre-surgery. But post-surgery, we want him on as little as possible. Many of these medications he will need in the future. So getting him off of them now if he doesn't need them will reduce the risk of him having a tolerance for them later when he actually does need them.<br />
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We've reduced 3 so far with no issues.<br />
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But this last one has felt different. <br />
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<i>I got booted from the bedside seat. Big Sister was his hand holder of choice.</i></div>
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It's tricky because, for a HLHS kid, Gabe is a beast. <br />
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T-ball, biking, running, not needing any resting. He does more then he really should be able to. But to us, the ones who know him best and see him everyday, he's just off the past couple of weeks.<br />
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His teacher says he says he has a headache a lot and he needs to lay down quite a bit at school. We went on a normal bike ride last week and he struggled bad. He's grouchier than normal and super tired by the end of the day.<br />
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All of which could be explained by starting kindergarten, a Summer of not being very active outside, and a few strings of later than usual nights.<br />
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Or it could be his heart telling us he's headed for trouble.<br />
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So we headed in to the cardiologist yesterday to see what was going on in there.<br />
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Since it was a somewhat emergency, we weren't able to see his usual cardiologist. I was kind of glad because I wanted a second opinion in taking him off the meds.<br />
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The appointment went great.<br />
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His ECHO was showing strong heart function and all of his pressures are still awesome. The doctor thinks that what we are seeing is just what it looks like for an HLHS-er to be growing. He recommended just going with his lead and allowing rest when needed.<br />
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And like a real son of a gun, this past few days he has been back to his usual wonderfully active self. He even got an exceptional behavior certificate yesterday at school. His teacher said he was like a different kid. So here's to hoping he keeps this up!<br />
<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-17435961865700420772015-10-20T15:04:00.002-04:002015-10-20T15:06:47.177-04:00Fall Break 2015As Public School Newbies, I had high hopes for Summer Vacation.<br />
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What I failed to account for was just how hot a Desert Summer can be. We made a valiant attempt to go and do, but ended up hibernating most of the Summer. <br />
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But I knew Fall Break was coming. And while our Fall doesn't look quite like the rest of the country's, it does bring the weather we moved here for. Sunshine and 80s with no humidity and light breezes. It lived up to all of my expectations.<br />
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Andrew's parents came for a visit and we went on a couple fun day trips. There was t ball games and sleepovers and we stayed outside 99% of the time. <br />
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<i>a chilly 70 degrees had him running for cover</i></div>
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<i>SHARK TEETH!</i></div>
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<i>We are anxiously awaiting his very loose bottom teeth to fall out. </i></div>
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<i>In the meantime, Josie lost 2 molars that we didn't even know were loose.</i></div>
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Yesterday, we resumed our usual schedules but with filled up hearts and renewed love for this city.<br />
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And I went to Target. Alone.<br />
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It was glorious. <br />
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Turns out I love Fall Break. And I also love sending them back to school!<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-61731980888597335702015-10-10T13:00:00.000-04:002015-10-10T13:00:04.540-04:00A New ChapterI started another book club and I'm super excited about it.<br />
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I've made some awesome friends and 90% of them live in my neighborhood. We get together all the time for play dates and happy hours and it's great. But there are usually 800 children around and sometimes it's hard to feel like we are getting any real conversation in. And I missed book club.<br />
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So I merged the two issues and proposed that we start a book club. <br />
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I was kind of convinced that everyone would laugh at me, but they were all in. We had our first meeting this week and it lived up to all my expectations.<br />
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I'm beyond happy about this people.<br />
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We read Girl On The Train. I served up Gin & Tonics (main character has a bit of a problem with them) and set up Gabe's train set (thanks for the idea Mama!). Everyone liked the book, nobody loved it. My favorite part of the night was listening to everyone try to tell the two that hadn't read it what it was about. It was hilarious.<br />
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<i>my little helper who hasn't touched this train set in a year but suddenly was very concerned about sharing it with his mother who shares her oreos with him every time.</i></div>
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-20345288352282726932015-10-08T07:30:00.000-04:002015-10-08T07:30:00.572-04:00Our 8th Gotcha DayLast weekend we celebrated the day we became parents.<br />
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8 years ago, when we got the call that changed every single part of our lives. Little Josie Girl was on her way and it will forever be my most favorite day of the year. So many dreams came true that day. <br />
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Josie has always been interested in her adoption story (unlike Gabe who looks at us like we are nuts when we try to tell him about his). This past year was a big one for her in terms of dealing with what it means to be adopted. She found out she has older siblings and her birth mom's name and had a lot of questions that we just couldn't answer for her. There were tears and "Mommy I miss them" even though she'd never even met them and, man, there are some big emotions that come with adoption.<br />
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We've always been open with her. We wait for her to ask and we divvy out details based on what we think she is mature enough to handle. And sometimes we second guess ourselves. Should we have kept that to ourselves? Should we have waited for that information? <br />
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There are a lot of blogs about adoption that show you the miracle of Gotcha Days and finalization and the glory of saving children from places that aren't safe or good. But not many dive into this hard stuff. The questions you'd rather not answer and the statements that cut you right through your heart. The idea that there are other people out there that your child shares a connection with and how to reconcile that in your own heart, let alone help them work through it.<br />
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That's the stuff where redemption can happen.<br />
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And there is no easy way. Like one of my favorite children's book says; "you can't go over it, you can't go under it, you can't go around it, you've gotta go through it."<br />
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But you know what is easy?<br />
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Celebrating the day the journey started. <br />
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The day we first held our miracle girl and a family was born.<br />
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<i>She decided to celebrate by going to Build-A-Bear followed by pizza and yogurt with one of her buddies. </i><br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-51103884259353749972015-10-07T12:43:00.000-04:002015-10-07T12:43:14.894-04:00First Day - October 2015* I had pretty much decided I was done blogging. <br />
Well, not really decided but more placed it at a much lower priority on my list of things I want to do which in turn made me done. I haven't missed it and feel good about the things that have taken it's place in my life. <br />
Then I got a few hours into the First of October and decided that there are a few things I want to add to my yearly blog book, like First Day, so here I am. It's missing the regular morning coffee shot and the hustle of getting off to school. It's also missing happy hour at a neighbor's house, but it includes plenty of what our everyday looks like in this season.<br />
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-56515340590496838162015-09-07T11:17:00.007-04:002015-09-07T11:17:54.667-04:00First Day - September 2015<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-68405223558255036392015-08-21T08:00:00.000-04:002015-08-21T08:00:00.152-04:00To Live Like Aaron<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday Gabe had his best cardiologist appointment to date.</span><br />
<br />
I expected nothing less since the child is honest to goodness going at full speed from the time he wakes up <i>(at 6:15 every. single. day.)</i> to the time his little curls hit the pillow. He runs and bikes and swims for hours on end and even when I convince him that watching a little TV would do him<i> (e.i. me)</i> some good, he still fidgets and wiggles and drums on everything in reach.<br />
<br />
His ECHO results were fabulous and all his numbers were exactly where they needed to be. His doctor, that I love, thinks that he's ready to come off another medication. Music to my ears.<br />
<br />
The doctor was so positive about it all, that I mustered up enough bravery to ask a question I haven't been ready to ask - What exactly does Gabe's future look like?<br />
<br />
I know that he didn't want to answer me.<br />
<br />
We'd just had this great, uplifting conversation and now I was asking for him to pop the bubble, give me a dose of reality.<br />
<br />
He sighed and gave me the rundown:<br />
<br />
The Fontan will work wonders through his teens. We'll barely notice a difference between him and other kids. He can't play Varsity sports, which will be a huge bummer to my sport loving boy, but he'll be alive so it's a fair trade.<br />
<br />
In his 20's, we'll notice him slowing down, but with rest and medication modifications, he will be alive so again, a fair trade.<br />
<br />
The 30's are when Gabe's outcome starts looking bleak.<br />
<br />
Survival past 40, unlikely.<br />
<br />
40.<br />
<br />
Just a few years longer than my brother walked this Earth.<br />
<br />
And as the doctor kept talking, about medical advances and stem cells and how long 35 years is in medical terms, I couldn't get that number out of my head.<br />
<br />
I sent up a fervent prayer: "Please God let him blow that number out of the water."<br />
<br />
But the prayer I offered up on the heels of those words is the true prayer of my heart. And not just for Gabe, whose future is unclear, but for Josie and Andrew and myself and everyone that I love: "Let him live like Aaron."<br />
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Let him be cool without flaunting it.<br />
<br />
Let him be accepting of all people, an instant friend to many.<br />
<br />
Let him hold those he loves the closest.<br />
<br />
Let him be funny and let his shoulders shake when he laughs. <br />
<br />
Let him drive his beat up car across the country to go to concerts and ride the country's highest roller coasters and name weekend parties after himself. Let him be brave enough to do all those things that I never did.<br />
<br />
Let him find <a href="http://myhusbandstumor.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">a love story</a> that will inspire everyone that hears it.<br />
<br />
Let him be funny and a bit sarcastic without being biting.<br />
<br />
Let him find his art and his voice and, when the day comes that we know the end is near, let him decide to not go gently. Let him decide he will live, and live well, every damn minute he gets.<br />
<br />
Let him live like my big brother. <br />
<br />
Let him be my hero, my inspiration.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Today I'm boarding a plane to fly up to Minnesota. </span><br />
<br />
We are going to carry out Aaron's request to lay his ashes in the river where we grew up playing.<br />
<br />
This weekend will be a different kind of hard. My emotional stuntedness had me numb at his funeral. More concerned about how everyone else was feeling than about my own heart breaking under my ribs.<br />
<br />
But now, 9 months after he died, I feel it everyday.<br />
<br />
There aren't many songs I can listen to that don't make me think of him, mostly because I know he'd hate them. I hold my breath when it hurts and have to remind myself to exhale. That it's OK. <br />
<br />
I'm glad that I got to look up to Aaron for 32 years. That he led the way. I miss him every second.<br />
<br />
And I want to live like him.<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-32906833648902117342015-08-10T14:54:00.000-04:002015-08-10T14:54:25.445-04:00First Day of SchoolIt's here!<br />
<br />
Third Grade:<br />
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<br />
And Kindergarten:<br />
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<br />
Our first real First Day of School.<br />
<br />
It was adorable and nerve wracking and I cannot wait to go get them and hear all about their days!<br />
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<br />
And my favorite part: Last August to This August<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-44255648470991140162015-08-07T15:38:00.000-04:002015-08-07T15:38:00.099-04:00Where I Come To Terms With The Face I'm A Stage Mom<span style="font-size: large;">I nearly cried when Josie said she was done with ballet.</span><br />
<br />
But I got it. We had just moved across the country and everything in her little world was new and strange. A new dance studio felt scary and she just didn't want any part of it.<br />
<br />
And I am not a Stage Mom.<br />
<br />
I won't project regrets of my childhood <i>(e.i. no dance, no rhythm)</i> onto my kids.<br />
<br />
So we hung up the ballet slippers and packed up the recital costumes and that was that.<br />
<br />
Until two weeks ago, during a dance sesh with Andrew, when Josie exclaimed, "I want to do dance again!"<br />
<br />
And, y'all, I hit up Google to find a new studio so fast that I obviously am a Stage Mom who lives through her children.<br />
<br />
We just barely made the deadline for a week long dance camp intensive where she got to try jazz, hiphop <i>(please pick hiphop Josie)</i>, lyrical, tumbling & cheer, and ballet. <br />
<br />
Yesterday we got to go in and watch them and I couldn't believe all the stuff they learned in 4 days. They did four or five full dances and a cheer routine. I was majorly impressed. It was an excellent sales tactic since I beat a path right to registration to get her enrolled in a few classes. <br />
<br />
This girl.<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-74206132902298325692015-08-06T15:55:00.005-04:002015-08-06T15:55:54.215-04:00HibernationWe are in the final days of Summer<br />
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School starts in a week and I'm, like, in shock? I feel like I've been in hibernation, just in the wrong season.<br />
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This Summer was a bit strange. Like, it didn't totally feel like I thought it would, but I don't really know what I mean by that. I think I was thinking of how Summer break felt when I was a kid and it doesn't feel the same now that I'm an adult. You mean I still have to pay bills and go to the grocery store and clean my room? Lame.<br />
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I spent a few minutes the other night lamenting over my poor children's lack of late nights and pool filled days that I had envisioned. Then Andrew started rattling off all the super fun things they got to do and I realized it was just me having issues, not them. <br />
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Summer breaks in the Desert just aren't going to be quite like the ones of my Minnesota childhood.<br />
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All day swimming?<br />
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Playing outside from sun up to sun down?<br />
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Biking, climbing, being outside in general?<br />
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Those are going to have to be Fall Break activities.<br />
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Even though we had to find air conditioned ways to be footloose and fancy free, we still did up Summer right as evidenced by the photos below. Tomorrow we go meet Gabe's Kindergarten teacher <i>(hold me)</i> and school kicks off Monday.<br />
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<i>American Girl Cooking Class @ William Sonoma because, Scottsdale.</i></div>
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<i>packing for her first big vacation without me.</i></div>
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<i>Florida then Georgia with her Nana and Papa Curt. </i></div>
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<i>not pictured: me missing her like mad</i></div>
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<i>One on one time with the baby while Josie was gone.</i> </div>
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<i>So happy to have her home!</i> </div>
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<i>Straightened her hair. Took an hour then she jumped in the neighbors pool and I cried.</i></div>
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<i>Weekly dinners with Uncle Jay. This week Cousin Pearl joined us.</i> </div>
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<i>Car rides to 8000 dinners out.</i> </div>
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<i>1/8000 dinners out.</i> </div>
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<i>Even more ice cream.</i></div>
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<i>"David Buster's"</i></div>
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<i>tye dye sesh</i></div>
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<i>swim, swim, swim</i></div>
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<i>in one hour sessions then back to a/c</i></div>
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<i>dance camp</i></div>
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-43978223792937035742015-08-02T12:54:00.000-04:002015-08-02T12:54:12.131-04:00First Day - August 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-17953726804411177692015-07-23T15:22:00.000-04:002015-07-23T15:22:26.563-04:00The Glovers<span style="font-size: large;">When we told our family we were moving to Arizona, my Aunt asked me if I was sure about leaving my friends.</span><br />
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She told me that leaving behind the Village I had in Georgia was going to be hard. Those friends weren't easily replaceable.</div>
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And I knew that. </div>
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<div>
My Village was pieced together over 14 very formative years. These women had all walked into my life and clicked right at the moments I needed them to. Andrew and I had many acquaintances around Atlanta. Heck, there were times I felt like Andrew knew everyone. But there were a handful of women that were mine.</div>
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They knew me. All of me.</div>
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<div>
They watched me date and break up with Andrew 25 times before a whirlwind two week engagement that ended with a courthouse wedding. They listened to me long for a baby for years when it just wouldn't happen, then celebrated with me on the day Josie came home by joining us at Walmart at 9 PM while we tried to figure out what an 8 month old needed. <br />
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Church changes, family changes, foster care trials, and heart surgeries. <br />
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They helped me pack up a UHaul to follow a dream and flew to my side when my brother died. </div>
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These girls were my net.</div>
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And even though I knew that when they were living right up the street, I didn't get what my Aunt was so concerned about until recently.</div>
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The first few months of living here were so surreal that I didn't notice.</div>
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The next six months were so full of heartbreak that I needed to recoil into myself. My Mom the only person I wanted close.</div>
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And now here we are, about to celebrate being one year residents of my favorite place on the planet.</div>
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And it's good.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My marriage is thriving, my kids are settled and about to start school, I have a job that I wake up excited about every morning. We are financially better than we've ever been and life is easy.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But I miss my Village.</div>
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I miss the actual girls that made it up, but I knew that losing that was just a reality of moving.</div>
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What I miscalculated was how difficult it would be to make new friend.</div>
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Because I'm no good at casual friendship. No good at all. I want immediate Know Everything About Me kind of friends. I want spontaneous drop bys and cookouts and dang it if I don't want a girls night that ends with us roaming Target for hours.</div>
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I've made a friend or two and am getting closer to them, which is nice. But it's not that familiar feeling I'm desperately missing.</div>
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<div>
So when Andrew started arranging for his Atlanta friend to fly out for a weekend, one that happens to be the husband of my very first Village Member, I started scheming ways to make it a joint deal. Tiffany was planting the same seeds in Jason's ears and before I knew it, we had a full on Guys Weekend, Girls Weekend planned.</div>
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And it did my heart so good.</div>
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<div>
I met Tiffany the first month I lived in Georgia. When I was fresh out of treatment and had zero friends. She's been a friend ever since. It hasn't been a smooth, zero conflict type of friendship which is exactly why she's one of my favorite friends. Because we kept coming back to each other. And that means a lot to me.</div>
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This weekend was great. The guys did guy stuff, we did girl stuff, then we came together at night for some pretty amazing date nights. <br />
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Someday I'll have a net here, but until then, I'm so thankful that we have gotten to have friends fly out to visit.<br />
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-45398392138847329902015-07-10T16:48:00.000-04:002015-07-10T17:03:57.261-04:00Hoarders - 8 Year Old EditionAs a bonafide Throw It All Away-er it pains me to admit this, but I'm raising an Everything Is Treasure-er.<br />
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Receipts, rocks, every tiny nicknack she finds on the street. It all has value to her. Everything is either A) beautiful or B) able to be made beautiful as part of a craft. Which is a pretty awesome way to look at the world, but lends itself to a bit of a clutter problem.<br />
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It's a clash of the titans type situation.<br />
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Think I'm kidding?<br />
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This was her room last week:<br />
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<i>bear bed crafted from 700 paper bags and 8 blankets</i></div>
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<i>vacuum box that became a robot, construction paper "tv" for when</i></div>
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<i>screen time is over, box behind robot for her stuffed animal daycare</i></div>
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I struggle to find the sweet spot between her need to collect and create and my need for order and blank spaces. <br />
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My current solution was to find more storage options so she could keep a good portion of her treasures, but they could have homes. Our rooms here aren't small, but they aren't large either. And since Josie is in love with her Princess Sized Full Bed<i> (what she calls it)</i>, there is limited room for containment. </div>
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I searched for months for a dresser. </div>
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Did you know these puppies are expensive? </div>
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Goodwill to the rescue. </div>
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$20 for the dresser, $18 for the paint, 2 years off my life for sanding and painting in 115 degree weather.</div>
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Worth it...<br />
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Would you believe that after adding a ton of shelves to her closet, that there are now empty drawer? We should take bets on how long they stay empty. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And once I started I just couldn't stop.</span><br />
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So her entire room got a Almost Tweenie Bopper redo. And I love it. <br />
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<i>Disclaimer: Josie has been on vacation all week and hasn't set foot in this room yet. It will probably never be this clean again, but I will always have these pictures to look back on and that's good enough for me.</i><br />
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-82077980365415386752015-07-05T07:30:00.000-04:002015-07-05T07:30:00.477-04:00We Almost Weren't<span style="font-size: large;">Andrew and I never went on a honeymoon.</span><br />
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Our wedding, the entire thing, cost us under $300. We were young college kids living off our parent's generosity. Convinced we were ready to take on The World, not really knowing what The World even was.<br />
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I loved our wedding. <br />
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The little tea dress I wore, the homemade cake where I ran out of frosting so the back was just barely covered. The dinner at an all you can eat fried chicken joint and backyard reception with just our family.<br />
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I was never jealous of the elaborate weddings that so many of our friends had, but the honeymoons? I was a little jealous of that. It was always on our To Do List. <br />
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We'll go after graduation.<br />
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We'll go on our 5 year anniversary.<br />
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Let's for sure go at 10 years.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This past year has, without question, been the most difficult of our 15 years together. </span><br />
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The blazing fires we walked through, separately and together, almost did us in. We had conversations that I never imagined us having. We felt emotions I didn't know existed. And after tearing down this whole thing, this entire life we had built, we walked out the other side hand in hand with a brand new relationship that is honest and true. We know it all. Nothing is off limits. There's no keeping quiet to avoid conflict and no pretending something doesn't bother us when it really, really does.<br />
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It's a weird feeling to look at someone you've slept next to for 13<i> (ok, 14)</i> years and feel like they are brand new. To know that you almost weren't.<br />
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But we are. <br />
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And we finally got around to taking that honeymoon.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We spent a week in San Diego.</span><br />
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Eating and laughing and lounging in cabanas where they brought us every fruity drink with an umbrella. I wish I had words to say how great it was other than saying it was perfect, but that's the only word I'm coming up with.<br />
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Andrew planned every detail. He said over and over that he wanted me to feel loved. And I did. So loved. So well taken care of. He planned the things he knew I would like, even if they weren't his favorites. And we learned that we have switched places in our vacation style. He is now the lounger and I am the "let's go out try something new!". <br />
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Marriage is hard guys. <br />
<br />
Two people growing up and changing and life throwing you nasty curveballs. You have to stay on your toes and keep at it. Even with the hard parts, I loved nearly every minute of our first 13 years of marriage. <br />
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And I'm really looking forward to the next 13.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We ended our trip by driving back to Arizona and staying at a resort close to home so that these party animals could come celebrate with us.</span> <br />
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I look at these little people with new eyes now.<br />
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We didn't stay together for the kids. In fact, we were both very adamant from the start that if that was our only reason, we wouldn't. During all those 3 AM conversations, we discovered that there were 4 million other reasons. <br />
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But they were on the list. <br />
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The thought of this picture only having one of us in it breaks my heart. I'm thankful.<br />
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Really, really thankful.<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-44022379039520266232015-07-04T11:17:00.000-04:002015-07-04T11:17:00.259-04:00United We Stand<br />
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<i>Preschool crafts make it worth the tuition.</i></div>
Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-7374909249901341402015-07-02T10:38:00.001-04:002015-07-02T10:38:11.871-04:00First Day - July 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-43831799019650776592015-06-25T11:50:00.000-04:002015-06-25T11:50:16.412-04:00Redemptions<span style="font-size: large;">I didn't pick a word for 2015.</span><br />
<br />
When January rolled around, I was still reeling. <br />
<br />
From my brother dying. From my marriage nearly falling apart. From lost friendships and loneliness and the unfairness of it all.<br />
<br />
Had I picked a word on January 1st, it wouldn't have been an accurate depiction of what was to come in the next year.<br />
<br />
I had no idea.<br />
<br />
That grief is like a rolling tide. <span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<br />
That I'd feel Aaron in every breath I take and that missing him and loving him and being his little sister, well, those things never end. <br />
<br />
That marriages can start again. <br />
<br />
That you can wipe away the things of the past and move forward. That continuing on isn't settling or giving in or resigning to mediocrity, but courageous and life giving and, holy cow, it's real love.<br />
<br />
I still miss my friends and have realized that that part is just going to take more time. <br />
<br />
We are nearly 7 months into 2015 and I have my word now.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Redemption.</span><br />
<br />
And really, I think it'll just be my life word.<br />
<br />
Because when I see where I am, when I look over at Andrew, when I see Josie becoming a lady, when I see Gabe's whole face light up with that big grin, it really is the only thing that comes to mind.<br />
<br />
We have been redeemed.<br />
<br />
Saved from error.<br />
<br />
Each of us on our own and all of us together.<br />
<br />
It's the story of our family.<br />
<br />
And 5 years ago today, Gabe's redemption story crossed with the rest of ours and, man, I'm so glad it did.<br />
<br />
This past week, as Andrew and I celebrated our anniversary on the beach, I couldn't help but go back to the day we got the call about Gabe. We were doing the same thing, celebrating our anniversary at the beach. With Josie and David and Amber and Olivia.<br />
<br />
We were having the best week and I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay and be comfortable and stick to the original plan. Which is very reflective of how I lived most of my life.<br />
<br />
And then:<br />
<br />
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<br />
Gabe.<br />
<br />
Well, Javon, then Von, then Baby V, then Gabriel, then Gabe. <br />
<br />
Andrew has made quite a few rash decisions that didn't turn out well, but this one? Telling me I was nuts and throwing all of our stuff in an expensive rental car and driving 8 hours through the night with our tired 3 year old to get back to Georgia and go pick up the boy that would become our son?<br />
<br />
Well, he got that one right.<br />
<br />
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<br />
I remember the way he smelled that night. His grey skin and seeing his scars for the first time. I remember those deep eyes and fat wrists and, even if it took me awhile to let my guard down, falling in love.<br />
<br />
Gabe. The one I didn't see coming.<br />
<br />
Redeemed.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Happy Gotcha Day Sweet Gabriel Gordon.</span></div>
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<i>the rolls! i can't deal.</i></div>
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-15474715004887693522015-06-07T22:50:00.002-04:002015-06-07T22:50:57.437-04:00Sweet SummerOk, Ok.<br />
<br />
Uncle. <br />
<br />
I give up. <br />
<br />
I'll quit claiming I'm going to blog more and just acknowledge that, in this particular time in my life, blogging on the regular just ain't my thing.<br />
<br />
Life is good. <br />
<br />
It feels active and balanced. Both things I totally dig. <br />
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Our days are a steady mix of work and preschool and gymnastics and swim lessons. Toss Andrew's much more relaxed off season schedule and a plethora of hours in the pool and you have a pretty good picture of what we've been up to. It's the stuff Summer is made of and we are all enjoying the heck out of it.<br />
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However, I can't give up this space. After all, I need a place to keep our memories. And obviously you need to see my babies turning into real live humans right before our very eyes.<br />
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Shall we?<br />
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T-Ball ended. <br />
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My tiny slugger impressed us at every game. Boyfriend has skills. And that picture? Heaven have mercy.<br />
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2nd Grade ended.<br />
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I went to her last day of school party and had so much fun. However, I'm glad I didn't follow my initial life goal of being a teacher. These kids were pumped. And loud. And goofy as all get out. I would have lost my sanity. God Bless the teachers.<br />
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<br />
We had a Grandparent Invasion.<br />
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Both kids were adequately spoiled and, a week after Andrew's parents left, I'm still undoing the rotteness. They don't seem to get why I won't play Candyland 700 times in a row when Nana and Mae Mae did.<br />
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This one just because they sat in the same chair and did not <i>(push, pinch, eyeroll, complain)</i> about it.<br />
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Since T-Ball is over, Gabe picked up a new, less outdoorsy hobby.</div>
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Puzzles. All day, everyday. And for a kid that has very little ability to sit still, he can concentrate on one of these bad boys for a good hour. That's gold around here.</div>
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He's also obsessed with school.</div>
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Or more like obsessed with his pretty teacher at school. He has to do self prescribed "homework" on the days he doesn't go. So glad we left the Screaming At The Door phase behind us. </div>
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Josie is enjoying Summer Break. <br />
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She spends her days riding bikes with friends or playing with her entourage shown above. <br />
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She also started gymnastics.</div>
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She started with the goal of figuring out her cartwheel <i>(which I still cannot do and am just a little (a lot) sad about)</i>, but was bitten by the bug pretty quick. I see lots of gym time in our future. </div>
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<i>please note: neither of my children are in this picture but I wasn't willing to </i></div>
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<i>give up my spot in the shade to get them in a shot.</i></div>
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Both kids are taking swim lessons. </div>
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Gabe because he is fearless even though he sinks like a rock. One week in and he has it down. Today he wore me and my mom out by jumping in and swimming side to side on repeat for hours. I can't wait to be confident in his skills so I can resume my position on my float.</div>
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Josie swims like a fish and has for years, but she wants to join the swim team so she needs to learn the proper way to do each stroke. She's picking it up super fast so we are hoping to get her on a team ASAP. </div>
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Now we are caught up again.<br />
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Happy Summer, Y'all!<br />
<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-45838252556811929292015-06-02T00:30:00.000-04:002015-06-02T10:14:59.010-04:00First Day - June 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-56008527644580822542015-05-31T11:25:00.000-04:002015-05-31T11:25:00.617-04:00Behind The ScenesDear Professional Photographers:<br />
<br />
You deserve a lot more credit and a lot more money.<br />
<br />
Also, if these photos had sound you'd need some heavy duty ear plugs.<br />
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How we all felt at the end:</div>
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-69241764179512167372015-05-30T11:07:00.000-04:002015-05-30T11:07:50.885-04:00Time Marches On<span style="font-size: large;">The last time we saw Andrew's little brother <i>(dubbed: Uncle Baby Shiggins)</i> was back in 2011.</span><br />
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It's strange how people who were such fixed parts of your life can get grown up jobs and move away and, before you know it, years have passed and they have babies and you have to do some serious memory recall to remember when you last had a conversation with them.<br />
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Time stops for no one. Just keeps marching along.<br />
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Tyler was a skinny 10 year old when Andrew and I started dating. He was quiet and goofy and bore a striking resemblance to Harry Potter. Like, for real. Andrew and I were 18 so there was a big age gap that didn't have us crossing paths too much with Tyler. But once a week we would get together for a family meal and little Shiggins would be right there at the table being adorable.<br />
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A couple of months ago, Andrew's Mom began orchestrating a week of her boys and their families being together. And this past week, all that Georgia Grown Goodness descended on the desert. Lucky for them, Summer arrived right on their heels and brought with it our first 100+ degree days. <br />
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Welcome to the desert folks.<br />
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The week didn't go exactly as planned.<br />
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Three of us were hit with a stomach bug on three consecutive days rendering us totally incapable of any fun.<br />
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But we did get a lot of memory making in and, bonus, found a local aquatic center that I can't stop thinking about. It was a good week, toilet hugging not included.<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-28107208816999434822015-05-22T13:29:00.000-04:002015-05-22T13:29:59.089-04:00First To Last<span style="font-size: large;">We did it!</span><br />
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We survived the craziest school year in history <i>(I fact checked and we for sure won the title)</i>.<br />
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Homeschool to hybrid school to public school. Throw in a cross country move and a couple of house changes and, <i>whambam thank you ma'am</i>, here we are.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Could I be prouder of Josie?</span><br />
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The answer is a really loud no. She met each change and challenge head on and surpassed every goal we set for her. Her new school has been a perfect fit for her. Watching her become a tiny Lady Girl was beyond fun. I met with her teacher on Wednesday and smiled from ear to ear <i>(and teared up, which is becoming the norm for me)</i> as she showed me the results of her reading and math testing. The curve from January to May was a steady upswing. <br />
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Get ready 3rd Grade, Josie is coming for you.<br />
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Well, after her first real Summer break.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">First, let's all take a minute to admire how flipping adorable Gabe is.</span></div>
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He also had major schooling changes and is doing awesome. After some soul searching <i>(dramatic interpretation of a 10 minute discussion with Andrew) </i>we decided that he will keep going to Pre-K 2 or 3 days each week through the Summer. It took 4 weeks of hard crying at drop off for him to adjust to going to school. We don't want to undo that before Kindergarten. He love, love, loves his teachers and is learning a ton, so we see no reason to pull him. </div>
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And me?</div>
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I love where this past year took us. It was humbling and challenging and, ultimately, entirely life altering. Handing over teaching duties and putting on a working girl's hat <i>(wait, that doesn't sound right...)</i> has been the best choice I've made in a long time. I love my job and feel like the schools we found have been exactly right for each child. </div>
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I am looking forward to having Josie and Gabe home more <i>(and no homework, whoop whoop!) </i>for a few months. We are starting the Summer out with an end of the year hoorah and a week long family fest. It's going to be good.</div>
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Happy Summer Y'all!</div>
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7636227913766177194.post-33539402977994062262015-05-20T15:39:00.003-04:002015-05-20T15:42:06.193-04:00Pen To Paper<span style="font-size: large;">Or Fingers To Keyboard I guess is more accurate.</span><br />
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I didn't plan to stop blogging.<br />
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This little space on the interwebs is my own personal therapy couch. My all time favorite quote <i>(or at least one of the many)</i> is, "I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I wrote."<br />
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Which is exactly what I did on today.<br />
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What started off as a productive day took a serious turn for No Man's Land when I opened up my blog to check a date of some past event. Before I knew it I was 4 months in, reading my life, feeling the feels.<br />
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Wow.<br />
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What a year it's been.<br />
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It's no wonder I had to stop writing. Turns out, sometimes I don't want to know what I think.<br />
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But I can't call the hours I spent reading Journey To Josie wasted time because it sparked a deep flame in me to start writing again. Looking back and seeing my babies faces, reading about the evolution of Andrew and my relationship, remembering what it felt like to live in Georgia, well, I don't want to miss that feeling when I look back at this year.<br />
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So here I am.<br />
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Fingers to keyboard. Just in time to document our first full Desert Summer.<br />
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Get ready folks, there's sure to be lots of mentions of the temperature.<br />
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<i>(let's catch up on what we've missed over the last couple of months...) </i><br />
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crafting, climbing, digging, dieting, eating, swimming, </div>
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mother's day-ing, heart checking, chip over buying, </div>
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dating, storm watching, rain dancing</div>
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loving.</div>
<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994937261069028024noreply@blogger.com1