Another Poem

I found this on another blog about foster care. For some reason it calms my spirit about the fear and sadness that will come with our journey.

Two Mothers
Her empty arms,
Fill mine.
Her sadness and grief,
Allow for my unspoken joy.
Her poor choice,
Gives a chance for my love to overflow.

In an instant, it can all reverse,
Like an hourglass turned upside-down.

My arms empty,
Her arms filled.
My grief surfaces,
Her redemption complete.
My choice to love,
Has given her a chance to heal.

In an instant, the tide can turn,
But the choice is made... I will love.

-Author Unknown

Reality

For some reason, I just had my first tinge of reality. I think this is the first time I have actually felt sad that the baby we get will have a large probablity of going home. It's hard to imagine pouring into this little life, wanting the very best for it, praying for it, teaching it right from wrong, only to have them leave.
I know that what we are doing serves a greater good. That the child's safety and well being is what is important. But sometimes I just want to say...What about me? What about what I want? What about our family and what's best for us?
Sometimes it makes me so angry that this can't be easy. I just want to get a call that there is a baby available, go pick it up, and know that it's ours forever. I guess this is why people pay big bucks to go through an agency.
Most of the time, I want to do this just for the fact that a child needs a safe place. But in the back of my mind, I know that I want a child so bad. I know that I will not want the baby to go home.
I'm trying to think of B & S and how wonderful their adoption turned out. I want that. But right now I am scared of the heartbreak. I know it will pass and I will be 100% excited for whatever comes our way again in a few minutes. But right now, I'm a little sad. How is it possible to be this attached to someone you haven't even heard of yet?

The only thing he asked for...

Andrew plans to carry the baby everywhere in his "papoose"!

He'll be a great dad!

My First Mommy Task

I did my first official mommy errand last night, I went to check out the daycare we are planning to use. I felt like a complete impostor, but it was still really fun. I wasn't sure what questions to ask or how much of our situation I needed to tell them, but I worked my way through it and feel like I got the information I needed.
I really like the director and the rooms looked neat. I had this strange feeling that I had been there before. I think I just looks exactly like one that I worked at in high school.
They have good security, which was our main concern. My only gripe is that they don't let your child bring their own food. I understand this, allergies of other kids and all, but we don't eat much processed food or sugars. I don't want to pick my child up on a sugar high! I guess we can work around that though!
So we will be using this center. I wish I was staying home with the munchkin, but this is the next best thing.
Today's mommy task... CONSIGNMENT SALE!!!

IMPACT Class 3

Three down, one to go!
This week, class was actually pretty much a downer. We went over the signs, effects, proof, etc. of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and neglect. So there wasn't a lot of good stuff. I guess I don't want to document too much of it since it makes me so angry that people can treat children like that. They showed us a slideshow of pictures that were taken of some kids right after they came into care. They told us they were worst case senarios and that the chances of us being placed with a child who had been through that were very unlikely, but that doesn't change the fact that the kids in the pictures did go through it. It was awful. And all the pictures are from right in our county. I just can't believe it.
We also went over the "challanges" of raising a child that is a different race then you are. Andrew and I did not agree with the majority of what they were saying. Yea, I suppose it's not a bad idea to read our kids books and buy them toys that represent their race, but in no way do I feel that it is a challange to raise a child that has skin that is different then mine. Andrew is a great case in point of that. I firmly believe that ALL kids should be exposed to different cultures and races; be it in their books or toys or the places we go. I found it funny that black kids should go to lots of "black" events and white kids should go to "white" events. And what exactly is a white event? I guess we could teach them how to clap off beat and have awful dance moves!
Sometimes I forget that I live in the south.
We turned in almost all of our forms. Only one left and Andrew is on his way to drop it off this morning. Missy turned in her reference letter. And if you got one, PLEASE send it in right away! We can't get our certification until they are in!
So needless to say, we are pretty stoked! Baby Pope is getting closer. I still feel completely unprepared though. I think Erika is trying to get some stuff together for us. It's just strange to not be pregnant, but to know that a baby is coming. I still can't decide if it's weird to have a baby shower or tell people where we are registered. Even though we are starting out as foster parents, we still need all that baby gear. I am however, starting to realize that the baby is the important part and that all the stuff that we need will come with time.
Right now Andrew and I are concentrating on relaxing and going to bed at 9. We know those days are coming to an end. And that is perfectly fine with us!
PS - we did post our registry on this page. This may be tacky, but oh well.

TB Free

I believe we are TB Free! We are going in this afternoon to have our TB tests read and neither of our shots have reacted, so I am guessing that we are clear. I managed to gather the rest of the documents we needed so that we can turn everything in at class on Saturday.
Missy and I are going to paint the nursery and start to really set everything up this weekend.
And Missy got her reference letter from DFACS last night. I made her promise to fill it out right away and mail it back today! I am going to call our other references and tell them that it is SO important for them to go ahead and fill them out and send them back.
So now DFACS is waiting for our background checks to come back and our reference letters to come back. Then our caseworker (T) will write up our homestudy, have it approved by her two supervisors, come to our house to check the couple of safety issues that we have to address, and we're done!
I might get to go trick or treating this year!

Wow.

Last night was just amazing. I'm going to try to keep from making this a super long post, but it was an exciting night so I can't make any promises!
Our case worker got to our house at about 3:15. Nobody can ever find our house, but after 4 phone calls and a couple of wrong doorbells, they found our house. It was our case worker and another one who is either training or learning our workers job for a promotion. Either way, they were both so nice! We just sat in the living room and talked for a few minutes about our house and the blessings that made it happen. The first thing they did was make a family tree so that they could know who we were talking about when we talked about our family. This made me laugh, my family tree is pretty simple, two step families, all close. Andrew's however is a bit tangled! "Now, who is that child's parent?" "Your dad has been married 5 times then right?" Wrong! It took Andrew about 5 minutes to explain the whole family before it was clear! Then she asked some questions about my childhood, my family, my memories. All that good stuff. Then she asked Andrew the same questions. Just like everyone always is, they were really interested in Andrew's life story. They talked a lot about the custody after his parents divorce, the abuse, his personality and how he thought his childhood played into it. It was really interesting. In fact, that was the word of the night, "Interesting"! Apparently, we are a very interesting couple.
So then we went over how we thought a child would fit into our lives. It is really hard to put that into words! We know it will be completely insane at first, that it will be a huge adjustment, but we also know it will be wonderful and amazing and just perfect, even when it's not.
Then we got a chance to ask some questions. They said there is not much we can buy now since we don't know the age or sex we will be placed with. She did say we need to get gates for our stairs and locks for our cleaning supplies. Other then that she said we could wait. Then we talked about the time line. She explained that if we were to stay listed as foster to adopt parents that, legally, they could only call us when a child was 95% sure that the parents rights were going to be terminated. If the child is placed at birth, this means that the baby would be about 15 months when we would be eligible to even get a call (that's how long they usually give birth parents to work their case plan and get their child back). Since we want a child between 0-2, this makes us really hard to match. Not to mention that the foster family who had the child for the first 15 months of their life usually ends up adopting the child if parental rights end up being terminated.
So we have changed our plans. We are going to do fostering. I know that this has the potential for more heartbreak, but they assured me that every foster parent who wants to adopt ends up adopting one of their foster kids. It may not be our first placement, but it may be. So we will love each child that comes into our home for as long as they are with us. The goal is to give them a safe place while their parents get it together. And in the end, we will end up with a child that stays with us, plus the potential for lots of other kids to be a part of our lives.
This was what Andrew wanted to do from the start. He feels like we have a safe home and a lot of love to give, and that we should be open to giving that to any child that needs it. Even if they do go back to their birth parents at the end of their case plan.
This was what Andrew's aunt did. And they ended up adopting their first placement along with the 2 other babies that came after the first! I was nervous at first, but I am now more excited then ever!
Our age range will still be 0-2. And the really exciting part... When we asked about how long after being approved we should expect to get a placement call....Immediately! Holy Cow! And they told us that since we are the first couple to start our home study, as long as we turn in the rest of our paperwork this Saturday, we could be approved by the end of the month! Yup, so that means we could have a child in our home full time by October! Three weeks! Wow!
Andrew and I were on cloud nine! We talked about trick or treating and the baby's costume, about going to Florida for Thanksgiving with a baby, about stuffing stockings! All the things we have been dreaming about are really about to happen!
Plus we found out that we will be reimbursed for EVERYTHING! Car seats, diapers, cribs, formula, clothes, everything! And they cover childcare until the adoption is final. We are so excited!
So when they left we drove to the clinic and got our drug test, physicals, and TB tests done. The PA that did our physicals was hilarious! Him and Andrew joked the whole time, so the thing took twice as long as it should have, but we were in such an excited mood we didn't care!
We have a couple more documents to get together to turn in on Saturday and then we are done. Then the waiting starts. I have to paint the nursery a lot sooner then I planned to. Maybe this Sunday.
I want all of you to understand that when we are placed with a child, there is a 50/50 chance that they will stay with us forever. Once the placement happens, we will have constant updates as to wheither or not the birth family is complying with the judge's orders. They will be required to have supervised visits at the DFACS office with the child and all sorts of counseling and such. If they miss these, or don't follow the rules the judge sets up for them, our odds go up. If they do these things, the chance of them going home goes up. But at least then we know that the parents got help for the reason the kids were taken out of the home.
I wish I could do justice to the excitement we feel right now. I can't wait for our family and friends to meet the little one. I have decided that they will be my child no matter what. I will love them and care for them as if they were staying with me forever. And even though it will be SO hard to have them go home, I will send them off, knowing that while we had them in our house, they knew what love felt like.
I am so in love already.

I think I might be kind of nervous. Maybe.

So today is a pretty important day! We have our first home study at 3. I can't tell if I am nervous or not. I slept last night so that usually means that I am not nervous, but now I am feeling anxious. I know it will go well. I don't really know what to expect. I do hope that she gives us more information on where we go from here and what the odds are of us getting a placement before the holidays. I really want some advice on what kind of stuff we can go ahead and buy now so that we can be some what prepared when we do get the call. It's pretty hard to prepare when you don't know the age, sex, size, etc. of your future child!
Please be praying for us! We are both getting super excited at the thought of this actually happening.
I'll write tomorrow and let you know how it all goes!

IMPACT Class Two

Well, we are half way done with our IMPACT classes! Yea! This class wasn't much different then the last one. We talked about life books and how important they are for the kids. A life book is basically a scrapbook for the kids that shows them about thier life while they were with you. They were talking about how much kids love to look at baby pictures of themselves and that kids in foster care don't have any of those pictures to look at unless the foster parents take the time to take pictures and put them in a book for them. I am excited to do a life book. Even though we are adopting so our kids will have those pictures anyways, I still want to make it a priority for them to see every stage of their life with us. That's why we are keeping the baby journal right now, so that we can show the baby how much we wanted it. They told us that we should start keeping a camera by the phone so we can take a picture right when we get the placement call! I love that idea!
They also went over the different emotional issues that some children have. A lot of them are so understandable when you think about how they don't have any structure in their lives. We are going over the different issues so that we can be knowledgeable about them.
Other then that, the class was pretty much the same as last week. Except that the people who were supposed to bring lunch decided not to come. They ended up ordering pizza, which was a-ok with me. In fact, half of the class decided not to come. So we are down to about 20-25 people in the class.
OH, and we got a shirt for being the first people to turn in our green packet! Yup, we are teacher's pets! I hope that means we get first dibs on a baby!
One of the teachers was placed with a foster baby right from the hospital last week and she brought her to class. She was SO sweet. She made little baby noises during the whole class. I was DYING to hold her, but I imagine everyone else was too. We'll have our little one soon enough. I am getting so anxious to get the placement call. It's hard to be patient when you want something so bad.
We have our home study on Tuesday. I have to get Andrew to go cut the grass so she doesn't think that we live in a jungle! I hope to get more of a timeline from her as well. We have turned in almost all of our forms. I think we will be able to turn in the other ones next Saturday. Then we will just be waiting for our home study to be approved so we can be on the list for placement calls.
Part of me thinks that we could have a baby before Thanksgiving if everything keeps going this fast. If not, it will probably still be the new year. EKKKK!!! I can't wait!!! We have so much to do to finish getting ready!

It's Finally Friday!

Yea! This has been a crazy week. We have our second IMPACT class tomorrow! Half way done! I am SO excited that we already have our first homestudy scheduled. I hope that the rest of this process goes as fast. It was only a month ago that we went to the information seminar and decided to start the process now. I got a little freaked out that we were doing the homestudy already. I guess it's starting to hit me that we will be responsible for a little one soon! The only time I question my sanity is around 7am when I let myself think of how early I will have to get up to get a baby ready and spend some time with them before I leave for work! Good thing we have an espresso machine!
We are going to pick up our letter from the Environmental Health Department next week and get our physicals next Thursday. I need to draw a picture of our house plan and submit pictures of us and our house for our book as well. I can't believe this is happening! If this keeps going as fast as it is right now, we really could get placement calls before the holidays! Crazy!
We are having dinner tonight with Andrew's aunt and uncle and their 3 little girls. They adopted through DFCS in Spalding County as well. In fact, we just found out that we have the same case worker that they did! I am really excited to talk to Sherina about their adoption story. I have never heard the whole thing. I hope to really gain some support and encouragement from her. It will be nice to have an idea of what it is actually like to go through the process.
Missy is going out of town this weekend, so I am friendless! Hopefully Andrew won't be working too much so I am not bored! He has been so great about this whole process. He is going to be an amazing dad. It's funny to think about what a sucker he will be for the baby! He's such a softie!

Homestudy one is scheduled!

Mrs. Moore just called Andrew to schedule our first homestudy! It is Tuesday at 3. Hopefully this will be the only one during the day since I can't take time off from work to meet again. Ok... now I'm starting to get nervous!

Our Forms Are On The Way!

Andrew is so awesome! He filled out all his paperwork yesterday and we are done with the questionaires! So this morning Andrew is going to make copies of everything, a total of about 60 pages front and back! I would hate to have filled all of that out and turn it in without copies. It would really suck if we did all that and it got lost! So he will make the copies and then, after he picks Sara and Sydney up from school, he will bring it to DFCS and drop it off. I am willing to bet that we will be one of the first couples to turn it in, so hopefully we will be at the top of the list to get our homestudy started.
Tonight we are going to the Family Clinic in Griffin to get our physicals, TB tests, and drug screens done. Andrew is dropping off a letter requesting the Environmental Health Department to come out and appove our well and septic system as well. Other then that, all we have left to turn in is a copy of our 2006 W-2's to prove our income, and we will be done with our side of the paperwork! I love getting a to do list done, it's my favorite!
Of course, we still have three Saturday's full of classes. We also have to have 2 home visits. When that is done, it will take our caseworker about a month to write up our homestudy and maybe a week or so after that to get it approved by their supervisor. Then... we will be ready to get placement calls! Yippee!
Missy and I are going to paint the nursery in October and we will probably get the crib up then too.
Well, that's all for today. Just turning paperwork in and getting our physicals out of the way. I'll keep you all updated if anything else changes!

IMPACT CLASS ONE

Well, we made it through our first class! In true Pope fasion, we were a few minutes late. I thought it wouldn't be a big deal since it was supposed to be a small class. Well, there had to have been over 40 people there! The room was completely packed. They had to go get another table for the back of the room for us. So there was no "sneaking" in like we had planned! Luckily, we were not the last people to get there though!
I had thought that the class would drag by, but it went pretty fast. The information was pretty basic this first class. We went over the requirements and all the forms that we need to fill out. They also breifly went over how the process would work for us all. I think they will go over this in more detail once we are assigned a case worker.

We did learn a lot about how kids come into care and why. It is pretty sad to think of what some kids go through and how many times they can be moved back and forth. I can't imagine what it would be like growing up like that. We did a skit to help us understand how the process works from the time the children first come into the state's care all the way to an adoption. I was the alcholic mother who ran from my problems. The skit was interesting and really did help us get a feel for how the system works.

There are currently over 60,000 children in the DFCS system in Georgia alone. Over 200 are in our county. All those children and only about 20 foster homes. The problem is overwhelming.

The class made me want to be a social worker. Their job is so needed. The turnover rate is very high though due to the stress and how the job will never be done.

There were 4 case workers there that each taught different parts of the class. Like I said before, this class had a lot of definitions. They were trying to get us to understand what we were signing up for and how important it is that we take the job seriously.

One of the tasks we did was to draw a picture of what we felt the perfect child would be for us. Andrew and I had a bit of a difference in our idea of the "perfect" child. Let me show you what I mean...

First, my perfect baby.

Now, Andrew's! Notice the increase in amount of "perfect" children!

I think we are going to have to have a talk!
So all in all, the class was good. We were sent home with a list of things that we need to get together along with 2 25 page packets of questions that we both need to fill out before they will assign us a caseworker or start our home study. Of course, mine is completed. Andrew is supposed to start his today.
I have to say, it feels so good to be on our way. Baby Pope, here we come!

~You Grew In My Heart~

Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it.

- Fleur Conkling Heylinger

Ready to get this started!

Hello Everyone!
I feel like I am just waiting in limbo. We start our IMPACT classes this Saturday, but until then, we wait. We are actually waiting for our letter that invites us to attend the classes. Hopefully it came today or I will need to call tomorrow to be sure we are listed in the class. As most of you know, I am an avid planner. I want to be as prepared as possible. I have made copies of the few forms that our social worker let us know we would need already, but I know there will be a ton more. I have been reading some other blogs on adoption which really helped give me an idea of what paperwork is needed. Right now I know that we will need...
- Copy of our birth certificates
- Copy of our drivers license
- Copy of our marriage license
- W2's for the past 2 years
- Something stating that our well and septic tank are up to code
- Both of us need physicals and TB test
- A fire extinguisher
I know there is a ton more, but that is all I remember right now. I wish I had someone that could tell me what else to get in order. I was going to make our doctors appointments, but I am not sure what all we need to get done at the appointment, so I decided to wait until after the first class.
I am so excited! I am ready for our homestudy to be done. I know that is when the real waiting begins, but that is ok. I decided to wait to talk to my work about the adoption until after our classes are completed. Only 2 more days until the classes start!